When Self-Disciplne Fails

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Seriously. I'm having a hard time facing the blank page/screen. I say writing is what I want/am/do. I say story is my joy. I say OK I'm going to show up. But minutes after confronting the white space I am overcome by sleepies or antsies. I either can't sit still or I can't keep my eyes open. Me, the Insomnia Queen, seems to have finally found the magic sleeping pill: the white screen and blinking cursor.

I said OK, no games, no surfing, no email, no IM, no reading, no DVD until I have something on the screen. Something besides some variation on "I have nothing to say." After an hour...nothing.

So I pick up my crochet hook. I continue to sit in front of white screen. I crochet two bookmarks. I give in. Partially. Allow myself to watch some news podcasts while I crochet. At end of day (16 plus hours) I have nine new bookmarks. Still no new words on screen.

I guess I'll have to add crochet to the list of locked away distractions.

But I've always used some form of needlework as a writing aide. It's never taken over quite like that before. It has almost always acted as a help in focusing my thoughts. I could go back and forth between needle/hook and keyboard. That served to keep my hands from cramping by spending too long at either repetitive task. It served to keep the antsies at bay and I swear it helps corral my thoughts and organize them.

Wellthen. Tomorrow I'm having a change of pace. No choice. Some things with temporary higher priority. My in-laws are out of town for a couple days so I'm going to be doing laundry and a major cleaning and re-organizing of our room. Still haven't completely unpacked from my trip to Longview last month because while I was packing just after Xmas I put the stuff not going with me back in a jumbled fashion with little care as to whether it even belonged there. That's going to be an issue with putting away the cleaan clothes as well so that MUST be dealt with.

Ed has tomorrow off as well so I'll be spending time with him and part of that will be going to the library to pick up several things waiting for me and returning several things due.

I also intend to get on my mini-tramp which we brought inside.

But tonight I hope to sleep since I got only four hours today after I finally put down my crochet hook well after 9AM.

Yeah, I think I do need to retire the hook for awhile. I have made 13 of the two-color and 9 of the original one color since I got back from Longview ten days ago. Haven't tucked any of their tails yet. That's 13x6 + 9x2. That's 4-6 hours right there. Besides I still need to dress up a couple dozen with ribbon and beads by March 1st for the display case at the library.

Then there is the Book Drum deadline February 28. So really I can no longer afford to deprive myself of all other 'distractions' as a form of discipline for not getting words on the screen. There has to be another way.

OK. Right. These are words on the screen. Don't they count? I guess I should have clarified. I was trying for new words in my story files. More precisely, in my WIP. So starting a new story was on the verboten 'distractions' list. Maybe that was a mistake. But I've got so many unfinished stories!!!