My Brain On Books XXXX
![]() |
My folding camper rocker new last summer. Hoping to spend some time in it this thon. The weather is perfect |
- The Great Influenza by John M. Berry
- Not in God's Name by Rabbi Jonathan Sacks
- The Tree Collectors by Amy Stewart
- White Trash by Nancy Isenberg
![]() |
I Am Maria by Maria Shriver |
Then I started Maria Shriver's new book, This was 90% poetry and 10% memoir/personal essay. I usually slow down to a snail's pace to read poems and dole them no more than three in a sitting. But I couldn't stop turning the pages and so I decided I was going to push on and make it my third finish with the understanding that I was going to have to go back to the first poem and re-read them slow to give me time to reflect, absorb and appreciate the insights and the word play. At least I hadn't waited until the last five days of my loan to start it so I had over a week to do it over the right way and now when I go back to the beginning maybe my curiosity about the who, what, when, where, how will have been sated so I can keep it where it belongs as the backdrop and not the heart of the message.
I was surprised at how many ways Maria developed similar wounds to her psyche as I had. The dynamics between herself and each of her parents was so similar to my own in spite of the fact that my family did not live in the public eye. Still there were similarities enough that when her poems contain conversations she is having with her younger self and her mother at various crisis points in their relationship I feel her words touching something raw that quivers in recognition. That's why I know I need to go back and sit with those moments and those words and let them probe what is trying to speak within me and maybe wake up my own words and my own healing energy.
But I must remind myself that she didn't get to the level of healing she has reached by reading a poem. Or a hundred poems. She got there by sitting with the pain until it spoke its truth to her and that doesn't happen in a moment or a minute or an hour or a day.
- The Hidden Roots of White Supremacy by Robert P. Jones
- The Untold Story of Books by Michael Castleman
- Being Seen by Elsa Sjunneson
- The Collected Poems of Maya Angelo
Once upon a time about three decades ago that was an everyday experience for me but that was before my visual impairment crossed the line defined as legally blind. Then my reading speed was cut in half and a few years later in half again. I must admit tho that I'm managing this today by listening to the Kindle robot at 3.5x while following along with my eyes. This gives me back close to my reading speed as a teenager with eyes only. I can't reach that speed with eyes only or ears only. Due to hearing loss I loose syllables if i'm not also watchng the words highlight on the screen. With ears only I can seldom speed it up past 1.5. With eyes only I often drop below 1x which is equal to the speed of speech ( 200-250 wpm).
![]() |
Convenience Store Woman by Sayaka Murata |
So the story (novel? novella? short story?) was Convenience Store woman by Sayaka Murata. This was a very unnerving story for me. I'm assuming, tho I'm not sure I should be, that the author meant it to be unnerving but because it's POV character's character was so similar to me in some significant ways, I identified with her only to find myself cringing as her choices went off the rails even tho those choices were solidly based on the very same characteristics that I identified with.
To clarify, like me Keiko was obviously neurodivergent. This wasn't said directly but made obvious by her interactions with family, classmates and teachers as a child along with her first person narration reveals her to struggle with social interactions and expectations. She is constantly saying and doing things that shock others and she is shunned at school and shamed by family. Then she learns to observe and mimic those around her until she soothes their nerves as they begin to hope she is finally 'normal'. But it never lasts long as she always miscalculates like a cat crossing a balance beam and stepping on its own tail and tumbling to the ground.
Then as a college student she gets a part time job at a convenience store and it seems she has finally found her element. The rigid protocols, the scripted interactions with customers, the perfectly lined up product on display, keeping all the surfaces clean and gleaming--all of this is her happy place and the added benefit is that those around her now treat her as normal and she feels like she finally belongs. Her parents are proud of her. Her classmates and teachers congratulate her. Her boss praises her and her co-workers include her in their circle.
She was content to continue in this way for the rest of her life but that was another miscalculation as after a number of years it is made clear to her that she is expected to move on to a full-time job or a profession or marriage and children. Otherwise she is not contributing enough to the community. It was at this point the story took that dark turn when Keiko made cringy choices. I dare not say anymore as I can't clarify any further without spoilers.
I sat on the porch from 5:22-8:33 and read a book start to finish in one sitting for the first time in a very long time. Of course I was listening to the Kindle robot read at 3.5x while following with my eyes--but still!
![]() |
Memorial Days by Geraldine Brooks |
The book was Memorial Days by Geraldine Brooks and it was a memoir about the loss of her husband in 2019. It was a meditation on grief and loss. The very short chapters alternate between the events in the hours, days and months following his death and Geraldine's months long retreat (alone) to a remote Australian island three years later to free and confront all of the emotions surrounding the events of 2019 that she had felt she had to sublimate behind a socially acceptable mask.
What she shares goes deep and speaks to me as I continue to process the grief from the loss of my Dad in 2005, my husband in 2020 and my Mom in 2024 all. My Dad on my husband's birthday, my husband the day after his birthday and my Mom one month after those anniversaries and three weeks before my birthday.
4:44 PM - Intro Meme
- Still processing grief over the loss of Mom last October.. That's why I'm looking forward to the Geraldine Brooks book Memorial Days as it is a meditation/memoir about her grief after loosing her husband
- Widowed September 2020 It still smarts at unexpected moments. But at least it is usually only once a month now instead of constantly.
- Legally blind with RP aka tunnel vision. Have only a sliver of vision left in center of right eye. The rest is shadows and shimmers.
- Have struggled with mood disorder of Anxiety and Depression and insomnia since grade school
- Diagnosed with high functioning autism in 2015. In my 50s!
- Have a caregiver who comes in five days a week to help with chores and errands I can't do alone.
- I proved during this move that I have more volume in fiber art supplies than in clothes by at least thee times.
- I probably have double the volume of clothes in tree-books but since I still haven't got them all moved over I can't be sure.
Because of my vision issues I have always considered that the only metric on which I could compete as I'm now such a slow reader. But I've discovered that I can rack up an impressive number of books dipped into in 24 hours. I like to read a chapter each in 4 to 6 NF in an hour and then spend an hour immersed in a novel.
Ah but the ONE thing that I could do different that could make a lot of difference in the quality of the experience is to do a better job than in the past of staying hydrated. But nearly equal to that in impact would be to get briefly active at least once every two hours. But this isn't the first time I've set that intention. Let's hope I do a better job at it this time.
![]() |
Ode to Dewey by Joy Renee We Miss You Dewey |