Saturday, October 22, 2022

My Brain On Books XXXII

  

 

 

I am reading for The Office of Letters and Lights the folks who bring us NaNoWriMo today as I love what they are doing for literacy with their Young Writer's Programs and because I've participated in NaNo every year since 2004.  I have been blessed to have it in my life and would like to give something back if only kudos and link love.  I'm putting this plug at the top in hopes some who stop by will check out their site and see all the great things they do to foster love of reading and writing and story in kids. 

This post will be organized like a blog inside a blog with recent updates stacked atop previous ones. I may be posting some updates on Twitter @Joystory and the Joystory fb fanpage. But this is where I do anything more than a line or two.  Including mini-challenges that don't require a separate post..   




Be sure and see my tribute poem to Dewey and the Thon she birthed at the bottom of this post


My Read-a-Thon Nest
a Beanbag Atop a Mini-Tramp


Book as Art

1:44 AM - Book as Art
I just spent an exquisite hour with a tree book I think qualifies as a graphic novel tho I don't usually see graphic novels that exceed 500 pages.  The whole experience of handling the book from first picking it up was like that of handling an art object in a gallery or museum.  The pages are of a thickness I think meets the standard of card stock.  The pages are all framed in a black quarter inch edge.  I estimate it is 3/5 pictures with series of images that tell a story without words like the camera shots in a movie sandwiched between pages of text that tell a story with the flavor of fable.

This was given to me two years ago with the understanding that I would read it and pass it on to a child I believe would enjoy it.  What was holding me back was the small print used for the pages of text.  But I finally found a work-around and solving the problem for this book means I will be able to pick up more tree books in the future.  As my vision got less and less the frustration with print books grew and grew until I became very shy of them.  Tho I still love to have them around me and to handle them and browse through them.  I just can't read them longer then a few minutes and the need to get the lighting just right coming from just the right angle and the magnifying glasses just right for the size of print and the pages at just the right angle and just the right distance from my eyes and to hold all of that steady...well...it was a juggling act and very distracting from the content so it was impossible to get lost in the story.  This is how I solved it:

Tools for Tree Book Reading

The combination of a bright headlamp with 2.5X magnification glasses I was able to read and get lost in the story for over an hour.

As for the story: The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick.  It won a Caldecott Medal in 2008.  It is the story of a boy who lives inside the walls of the train station in Paris, France just before WWII.  He has secretly taken over his uncle's job of keeping the several dozen mechanical clocks in that sprawling building running.  And he has a secret mission to complete a project his father died trying to finish mostly at his request.  The story features clockwork automatons, stage magicians, a cavernous bookstore and a grumpy old mechanical toy seller as the young boy's nemesis.

I just wish I'd known what a success this would be and started it sooner.  Like before noon.  I could have easily finished it in 3 to 4 sessions of an hour each.  An hour is all I can take of having my forehead squeezed by the elastic bands of the headlamp but I think that will get easier.  As it is I will not be finishing a book this thon.  Especially one I started after kickoff.  But I accomplished a lot

The Lost Tribe of Coney Island by Claire Prentice

11:44 PM - 
Just spent about an hour reading a book on my Kindle.  The Lost Tribe of Coney Island: Headhunters, Luna Park, and the Man Who Pulled Off the Spectacle of the Century by Claire Prentice.  I've been working my way thru this one at the rate of about a chapter per day for a couple weeks.  I is a fascinating look into American history and culture interacting with an 'exotic' culture just over a century ago.  And it is a tossup as to which culture was the most savage.

It is giving me a new angle to view current events as well because this pre WWI slice of American history contains all the same elements of conmen, grifters, conspiracy both actual and rumored, paranoia, bigotry, bullying, self-righteousness and blatant calculating lies as our own current events and all of this without radio, TV or the Internet.

Again. Again and Again. : Awakening Into Awareness -- Essays and Stories
by Mathias B. Freese

8:44 PM - First tree book of the thon
I just spent over an hour with two short essays from Mathias B. Freese's Again. Again and Again. : Awakening Into Awareness -- Essays and Stories.  I usually like to put more time between two short piece and especially when written by someone whose every word is so precisely chosen for both meaning and impact and both fact and effect.  

These are the kind of writings that try and nearly succeed in catching thinking in the act.  Thinking about thinking is one of my favorite things to do but I have not mastered as has Mathias Freese the art of writing about thinking about thinking.

I don't think I'll be picking it up again before the thon is over as my thinker is nearly sunk by sleep depravation as once again I was too revved up to sleep last night and thus I hit 24 hours awake 12 hours ago and I have 8 hours to go. Tho I'm seriously starting to doubt I will make it..  But I kept my promise to myself to pick it up during the thon as it is an ARC I received months ago and I still owe the author a review and I want to deliver that before NaNoWriMo

Tomato Soup and Toasted Cheese Sandwiches


6:44 PM - readathon Finger Food
I decided to use some of the remaining battery on the Fusion5 to play an audiobook in my Libby library while I made and ate tomato soup and toasted cheese sandwiches.  It had to be the Fusion5 if I were to remain untethered as my laptop is not Bluetooth.  So I have been listening for just over an hour to Karen Armstrong reading her Art of Scripture.  Armstrong's writing has been one of my valued resources as I began to question and the make my own path to freedom out of the cult I was raised in.  It would not be an overstatement to think of her creating the first foundation of my comparative studies in sacred text, religion, mythology or the overarching comparative cosmology.  All of which or other words for Story.

I listened to the Intro and Chapter 1.  The latter covering the scriptures of Israel.  Chapter 2 will cover India but I'm ready to move on.  Besides I'll keep it all straight in my head easier if I don't introduce the stories and concepts of different cultures in one session.

4:44 PM - Readathon glitch
Right around 1:30 pm  I dozed off on the beanbag.  For just a few seconds.  But that was all it took for my Fusion5 10 inch tablet to slip from my hands and hit the floor right on the power plug and bent it off.  This is a Windows/Android fusion with limited storage so I don't keep my important irreplaceable files on the device but still I had to go read all the file titles to make sure.  I did find a half dozen photos taken with the device that could be positive were in the cloud.  And I found several free pdf downloaded off the browser via those giveaways associated with signing up for newsletters.  I suppose nothing I would have missed if I hadn't been reminded by seeing them.

Anyway that was a tedious two hour task taken out of my thon day.  Now I have to decide whether I'm going to use the remaining three hours of battery to continue reading from my Libby Library (Dietland and more) or switch to reading off my heavy awkward laptop screen.  I just synced the library to the laptop so I have that option but it is definitely not as relaxing a reading experience.

I used to have my Libby library on a Nexus android.  A 7 inch that was even lighter weight and easier to hold for hours than the Fusion but it crashed in early summer.  I need to replace it because Libby allows keeping the book file on the device for reading offline with Android device but with Windows devices you have to be online.  I also have the option of telling Libby that I prefer to read on my Kindle and they will send the books to my Kindle but I don't know how fussy a task that would be and I've already spent enough time fussing.  I want to get back to Dietland.  I had just passed the halfway mark and it was getting real intense.

But I have a headache and suspect it is because I need food as it has been over six hours since I ate.  I'm also jonesing for coffee but I've already had by allotted second thermos at 9am so I need to weigh the pros and cons of extra caffeine as in the risk of a caffeine headache vs the risk of not making it to 5am.  I know what Stella thinks I should do.  Sigh. Bless her heart.  

I'm sad over the demise of my little Windows tablet. It has been a huge part of my daily life for two years.  I used it mostly for entertainment and web browsing.  I watched videos, listened to music and podcasts, read ebooks and blogs and articles. I could have music playing on it while I read on another device or researched or wrote on the laptop.  And yes, I mean demise because it isn't worth taking it in to a shop and paying to have it repaired.  Windows has already given me one warning that certain features of Windows 11 are not compatible and I know from experience that a few months on from that warning they will issue a six month warning that they are discontinuing support.  It is maddening how they seem to design these things for obsolescence.

I now I've lost four hours of reading to this glitch!!!


8:22 AM - Started out with
Dietland by Sarai Walker.  Just spent an hour lurking on social media scoping other readers.  Didn't engage yet as I'm anxious to get back to the story.

Who knew weight loss groups and glam girl mags are cults?  Breaking free can be murder.  Is staying free even possible?

4:44 AM - Intro Meme I'm setting this to go live at 4:44 AM but it may be well into hour 1 or even hour 2 before I check in again.  I'll be reading my first pick sitting in my beanbag chair nursing my first thermos of coffee and eating a protein bar....

1) What fine part of the world are you reading from today?

Kelso Washington USA.  Across the Cowlitz river from Longview where I grew up and had been living with my elderly mother between January 2013 and late July 2021.  I moved into my 400 square foot efficiency unit in late July 2021.  This  post was a photo essay of my new space.

So this is my forth thon in my own home, counting the Reverse Thon in August 2021.  The second Fall one.  I completely spaced out the August Reverse Thon this year and was so sad when I realized it.

2) Which book in your stack are you most looking forward to?

Non-Fiction: Again. Again and Again. : Awaking into Awareness -- Essays and Stories by Mathias Freese

Fiction: Dietland by Sarai Walker

3) Which snack are you most looking forward to?

Tomato Soup and Toasted Cheese Sandwiches.

4) Tell us a little something about yourself!

  • Widowed September 2020  It still smarts at unexpected moments.  But at least it is usually only several times a week now instead of constantly.  But September brought it back to several times a day.  September was his birthday and the anniversary of his Mom's and my Dad's deaths as well as his.  So it was still a rough patch two years out.
  • Living alone for the first time ever.  Fifteen months now.
  • Legally blind with RP aka tunnel vision.  Have only a sliver of vision left in center of right eye.  The rest is shadows and shimmers.
  • Have struggled with mood disorder of Anxiety and Depression since grade school
  • Diagnosed with high functioning autism in 2015
  • Have a caregiver who comes in four days a week to help with chores and errands I can't do alone.
  • I proved during this move that I have more volume in fiber art supplies than in clothes by at least thee times.
  • I probably have double the volume of clothes in tree-books but since I still haven't got them all moved over I can't be sure.

5) If you participated in the last read-a-thon, what’s one thing you’ll do different today? If this is your first read-a-thon, what are you most looking forward to?

This is my 32nd thon so there aren't many variations I haven't tried.  I am hoping and have planned accordingly that i get more than six hours sleep before my 4:44 am alarm goes off.  I've had a habit of such heightened anticipation that I sleep poorly or not at all before it starts and then struggle to do the full 24.  Doing anything but especially reading or writing for a full 24 hours used to be my superpower but not so much anymore.  Now that I'm in my mid sixties the price I pay for that self abuse is significant as all my systems are less forgiving. 

Also hope to a better job than in the past of staying hydrated and getting up to move regularly.

I am most looking forward to many sessions of sustained reading as I've just passed thru a dark couple of months in which I lost focus, concentration and enjoyment of reading but as of last week it is back tho I've had to curtail it as I had so many messes of many varieties to clean up reading was set aside for those hours when I was too fatigued to do it well or long.




Ode to Dewey
by Joy Renee
We Miss You Dewey




Read more...

Friday, October 21, 2022

Taming My Stella and Rising From Her Mudd

 500 Stellas Can Put Anyone In the Mud


In a discussion with my sister-friend Jamie several months ago, I was ragging on myself and refusing to see what Jamie saw as positives instead of just further proof of my failures and deficiencies. I kept insisting that what was done did not outweigh what was undone and even so it wasn't done right or wasn't done quickly enough or wasn't done often enough or wasn't done on time or wasn't done with a good attitude etc etc etc.

Jamie asked me whose voice was I hearing in my head when I took these thoughts to heart.  I said primarily my Mom's from childhood but also my Dad's, my brother's and my sister's and of course my husband's and my mother-in-law's.  Then she told me that another close friend of hers had a similar problem and she had found it helpful to name her haranguer so she could talk back to her.  I promised I would think about that and see if I could come up with a name meaningful to me.

After several days of contemplation I had zeroed in on the finger shaken at my face as was my Mom's practice.  And although her tone was much different it put me in mind of the Stella Mudd character from the classic Star Trek series.  My mom never yelled let alone screeched like Stella nor did she name-call.  She barely raised her voice.  But her words dripped with shame and disappointment.  Here are some of her favorite phrases that still haunt me today:

  • Shame on you
  • Mama's so disappointed
  • How could you be so _______?
  • Why can't Mama depend on you?
  • Why can't you be more _____?
  • When are you going to _____?
  • How do you expect to ______ when you can't even ______?
  • Are you ever going to finish that?
  • Do I always have to remind you?
  • No, no not that way, here let me show you (as she takes the tool out of my hands)
  • That was nice but next time don't you think you could try______?
  • How many times do I have to say _______?
  • But don't you think a better way would be ______?
  • But don't you think _______? (constantly on every topic under the sun and for which the only acceptable answer was 'yes' even if that was a lie)
Recently Jamie and I were talking about how it was working out for me talking back to Stella or telling her to shut up.  I was having minimal success and would often find myself experiencing waves of guilt and shame afterwards.  Jamie was insistent that i needed to get cross with her, defiant, even violent.  "Punch her out" she suggested.  Treat her like the bully she is.  But I am, by nature and training, very averse to violence and have never found that the response to a bully needs to be becoming a bully.  So I let it percolate for a bit and it wasn't long before I came up with a tactic that fit my personality and values.

I can't remember the source but not long ago I heard someone refer to the Southern Lady's FU and demonstrated with a honey-toned "Bless your heart"  Now that could work If I could get that refined tone of faux sincerity down.  And since one of my superpowers is story I was soon developing related lines along with gestures.  I see them as mini-movies in my head.

"Bless your heart." I say when Stella starts harping.  And if she doesn't hush immediately I reach out and smooth her hair back and say. "Don't fash yourself dear."  Or, "Hush now dear, you are overwrought."  Then if she is especially persistent I hold out a cup of hot chamomile tea saying, "There, there dear, I do believe someone needs a nap."  Or I will reach out and lay the back of my hand on her forehead and say, "Are you fevered dear?  How about a nice little chill pill?"

I've only been trying this for a bit under two weeks now but it does seem to be helping.

I wish I'd found it in time to help me thru the dark month of September that contained the death anniversaries of my dad, my husband and my MIL along with Ed's birthday and the second anniversary of the fire in Southern Oregon that burned out the trailer park we had lived in for over a decade near Phoenix.

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