Stuffing My Place

Closing in on my first 24 hours alone in my new place.  Above are a few of the new things I acquired in the weeks since I learned I was next in line for placement.  I broke them out to celebrate my first night with a relaxing herbal tea--Ginger Peach Turmeric.  

The little electric tea kettle is made of silicon and has accordion pleats that allow it to collapse flat.  The little cup on the left came with it and also collapses flat inside it's lid.  The water boils faster than a teakettle on the stove and uses less electricity.

Against the wall hiding the outlet and ugly cords from the kettle and computer is a mini dish drainer which I've still not used as I haven't moved in my cleaning essentials collected from Ed's apartment last October.  I can't clean up anything that needs more than water and paper towels so I'm trying hard not to make any serious messes.

My goal for this first day has been to create several of these  little oasis of peace and functionality amid the chaos so that I can establish some healthy routines even before everything is moved in and put away because to wait for that would risk making bad habits in the several weeks it is going to take me to reach a minimal order--bad habits that would likely carry forward or at least be hard to un-make.

Some of these oasis and/or functional routines with estimate of completion are:

• 100% Keeping that counter space pictured above where I make things to eat and drink clean, cleared of clutter, functional and whenever possible also pleasing to look at.
• 90% Put all food items in the fridge and cupboard for ease of access so food and drink prep does not always entail more of the same bending, lifting, searching, and sorting of the unpacking process.
• 10% Locate, organize and place in temp homes all food supplements and over the counter meds.  I learned the hard way why this is important when a spasming back kept me awake past dawn this morning and I realized that all my pain relief stuff was buried under  piles of stuff stacked against the bed alcove wall shared by my neighbor's mirror image apartment. 
• 100% Create a space or two for unpacking or unboxing and sorting stuff.
• 100% Provide the bathroom with the minimal necessities for daily showers because if the last several days are to be typical I'll be sweating upwards of six hours a day for weeks.
• 70% Create a space for sleeping.  This might include creating a routine for laying down the mattress and making it up with bedding for sleeping and then getting it all up off the floor before the day's work begins. I tried leaving it all on the floor this morning and it became clear it was a trip hazard as well as just being in the way when I needed to access the pile on the wall behind it.
• 100% Create a space for sitting to relax, to write, to eat, to rest briefly when my back is screaming.  This is a challenge today as I have no chairs yet.  In fact there is nothing here yet that can be called furniture other than a plastic dresser for crafts and several as yet unboxed Amazon orders that include a folding desk, a beanbag chair and several shelving units that add up to over approximately 100 shelves around 12 to 14 inches wide.  All of which need assembling which is my first big task after I've established these oasis and routines as they are the linchpin of my organizing plan.
• 100% Stack all the boxes and bags against the walls nearest to the spots they will find their homes once all my storage solutions are in place.
• 100% Create a USB charging station for all my electronic devices--tablets, lamps, personal fan, rechargeable batteries, light boxes etc.  This may have to migrate or split into more than one.
• 80% Establish a safe zone for important papers and for the essentials for leaving the house on errands
• 30% Locate and organize the essentials for prepping self to leave the house.
• 100% Create a standing desk for laptop for ease of communicating via message aps for routine messages as well as potential emergency as do not yet have the phone that comes with my Xfinity service.

The Bed alcove.

Can you believe all this stuff needs to find homes in this space and the closets in the hallway and still leave room for my bed which is currently a folding mattress but eventually I hope will be a daybed or futon couch?  

And it's not yet all here.  

I have four more 22 gallon bags of yarn and probably a dozen middling sized boxes of craft supplies to move over as well as several bushels of clothing, accessories and bedding.

From left to mid back wall is all clothes.  The mid spot is winter coats and bedding, in front of which I tried to create a place to sit on my folded mattress placed in front of the coats and bedding for back rest.  But it was too low to the floor and the mattress was still a trip hazard.  So I tried putting the mattress atop the pile of coats and bedding and sitting with my back against the wall but I kept falling off.  I finally repacked the two bags of coats and bedding into one 22 gallon Ziploc zipper bag as a more level foundation.  Still the mattress slid off.  So I removed the mattress from the concept and put two 11 gallon Ziploc bags under the coats bag--one full of plastic bags the other full of bubble wrap and foam scraps.  That is working.  I'm sitting on it as I type and it's been over an hour and it still feels solid and comfy.

In order to make it work as a writing and eating station tho I had to unbox and assemble the folding table.  I will get pics of that for tomorrow's post.

To the right of the bedding at mid wall and wrapping around across the entire window wall is all fiber art projects and supplies.

The long wall in the living room.

On the left is the charging station and the wifi box.  On the right are all the Amazon orders to be unboxed.  I created a station for the unboxing and assembling by rearranging the boxes to create a high 'table' and keeping tools like box cutter and measuring tape and scissors on the window sill.  All that as well as unboxing the folding table and the tower fan was done after I took the picture. 

The front wall.

These boxes and bags were brought in and placed willy-nilly last night.  It is hard to place most of them according to the rule--stack near their final destination--because they were also packed willy-nilly with a mix of categories.  I've actually managed to unpack and find temp homes for the contents of several of those boxes since the pic was taken.

That wall is designated for the soon to be moved boxes of papers, books and office/writing misc.  Once all of that is unpacked and placed on the shelving going up on the long wall I will have my writing station on that wall with my desk in front of the window. 

Tho the desk will probably be the one I assembled today which is likely to migrate according to tasks.  For example when I want to work on fiber art I might want the table near the materials on the window wall of the bed alcove.  Or if I want to watch videos while sitting on the future couch/bed I would set up the device on this table.  I will likely be using it for meals as well.  And any of the above except video watching can also be done out on the front porch or front or back yard.

One item, multiple functions.  That is a necessity for small space living.

The cubby space between fridge and back door.

This was hip-high last night and spilled over to fill the space all the way to the stove one bag or box deep but most of that spillover was food which got put away in the first hour I was here.  I got the back door unblocked before I went to bed and spent part of today bringing this pile down to knee-high.  One of my shelving units is destined for this spot and much of what's left here needs to wait until that is assembled.

The tub showing the shower curtain and water shoes

One of the tasks I had to do last night was find and hang the shower curtain.  Then I realized I don't have a bath mat so I wore my water shoes.  So far there is only two bags of stuff destined to have homes in this room.  There will be more when Ed's stuff is moved over and even more when the stuff I brought up here in 2013 at the time Ed got evicted down in Oregon gets brought out of the garage and basement at Mom's.

Not everything that was mine or Ed's before and during my 8.5 year stay at Mom's will find permanent homes in this apartment.  Purging will be a theme of the unpack, sort, and organize tasks.  I've been reading about and watching videos on the minimalist and tiny home living themes.  I tend to be a hoarder and I'm trying to learn to let go.  It is a slow process but I've already made significant progress in the last two years--especially on the emotional drivers of the condition.

The breakfast bar as standing desk for the laptop

One of the goals stated at top completed last night and functioning well all day.

A view from my front porch.

Looking down the sidewalk toward the lane.  One of the things I am grateful for about my new place is how much like a village this looks and feels.  It has the ambience of community instead of a parking-garage for people.

Earlier while I was still struggling with creating the faux easy chair in the bed alcove I had a blood sugar meltdown and needed to fix and eat food.  I was too tired and sore to stand at the kitchen counter to eat but I still had no place to sit except the throne which works for brief respites but not when food is involved.  So I fixed my meal of cold cereal with blueberries, nuts, dried cranberries and peach yogurt smoothie instead of milk.  Then I put on a visor and sunglasses, grabbed my cane and ventured down that front walk to the bench where I took my time, eating slow and soaking up the ambience of my new neighborhood.

That took big courage.  It was out of character for me even before vision loss made me a shut-in several years ago--unable to venture more than a few steps out the door at Mom's without an escort because of so many trip hazards.  The idea would not have crossed my mind if I had not just been studying the photo I'd taken shortly before the hunger attacked and my back and feet screamed NO to standing for a meal.

Well, it's officially been over 24 hours since I began living alone for the first time in my life.

Read more...

ROW80 - Life Happens

Mom with her friend/caregiver wearing the crocheted tunics I made them

A lot of mental bandwidth as well as time messaging back and forth with family has been commandeered by the ongoing events around Mom's stroke.  She is still in the hospital for at least another day but they are already warning us that the insurance could come back with denial of further hospital stay any day.  They still haven't decided whether they are going to send her to in-patient rehab before sending her home.  They say she isn't exhibiting enough stamina for it.  But as of yesterday she still needed two people to assist her in transferring in and out of bed and chairs.  I can't imagine how that is going to work at home going forward. But the other option is worse in the new reality.  If she has to go to another living situation the rules for most of them don't allow visitors.  Please pray for her and our family.

Meanwhile, to help me keep my mind from zooming race-track circles I continued the sort project.  This is also something I could be doing to contribute to the new reality as my stuff has been overrunning Mom's room.

So it is to some extent understandable that I haven't met all of my writing goals this week.  But on the other hand, journaling is something that would help this situation and yet I've been avoiding it.  I did manage to get the poem collection project started.  And I did open the journal file today.  Since one of my issues is initiating, I need to give myself some points for both of those things but there is no way I can call it satisfactory.  At least I'm not entertaining ideas of giving up 'because I've already failed' as I once would have.

A Round of Words in 80 Days
Round 3 2020

The writing challenge that
 knows you have a life

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2020

2020 Round 3 ROW80 and July Camp NaNo goals check-in:

* Sleep 7.5 hours Daily Minimum --  Unsatisfactory

* Move/Breathe/Meditate 15 min Daily minimum  -- Satisfactory effort

* Storydreaming with note-taking tools at hand. 15 min Daily MInimum -- This is a technique I learned from Robert Olen Butler in the book From Where You Dream. -- Unsatisfactory

* Read Fiction 30 min Daily Average --  Above and beyond

* Read/Study Craft 15 min Daily Average --  Above and beyond

* Social network activities 30 min Daily Minimum (writing Joystory posts doesn't count only social reaching out like reading/commenting on other blogs, guest posts and posting to fb, twitter, pinterest etc) -- something I've a strong resistance to.  --  Above and beyond

* 30 min Daily minimum engagement with a scavenger hunt though all my creative writing files including Joystory looking for better than shitty first draft scenes, sections, stories, poems and essays and edit, organize and make hard copies. --  Unsatisfactory

* To prep for self-pub: Gather all my poems into a single Scrivener file. Minimum one poem per day until all accounted for.  Adding new ones encouraged. --   Satisfactory

* Personal Journaling 45 min or 1000 words whichever come first Daily Minimum -- This is the heart of the writing challenge.  The preceding provides the structure and the nutrients that nurtures and honors the work which I've learned over time must exist to ensure that this becomes more than just dabbling.  --  Unsatisfactory

Sorta Sorted

This is the sort project on Mom's bed as of Sunday.  I don't want to take time to take, edit and upload a pic of what it looks like today but it is now a full layer deeper and part of a third as I left the nine 11 gallon Ziploc zipper bags in place and spread more boxes and bags over them to sort.  It was easier on my back to have the added height.  Since Sunday I've sorted through at least another dozen boxes and bags, eliminating at least 50% of their volume.  I have several more empty boxes and bags to show for it.

I'm getting better and better at letting go.  The sort project has become my therapy as it is helping me sort my mental and emotional stuff as I sort my physical objects.  And it is giving me something to OCD on to replace the tendency to OCD on Ed.  I've nearly broken the habit of keeping a running narrative in my head of all the things I plan to share with him in our next chat.  I've nearly reached peace with the understanding there will be no more 'chats' no more casual sharing of thoughts and emotions, pitfalls and triumphs.  Future communication will be utilitarian for the purpose of separating our respective belongings and proceeding with the legal divorce.

For an explanation and links to backstory see the ROW80/Camp NaNo Goals post.

Read more...

Sunday Serenity - Accomplished

Smiley Turtle

This is the crocheted turtle I made for my sister's birthday.  It was begun for Christmas.  I had the two African Flower motifs and the head crocheted by early December but then stopped work on it to focus on a large sweater I was making for her.  Then I could't finish the sweater because I ran out of yarn and the colorway was out of stock for months. I also had a scarf in the works at Christmas and thought it was done all but the finishing touches but when I picked it up earlier this week I discovered I'd accidentally decreased a whole mesh section half way through and had to undo and redo that half.  Now I'm having trouble with getting the fringe even because of my visual issues and I may have to go ahead and give it to her with ragged looking fringe so she can trim it even herself.

Swimming Turtle

That left me with the turtle as the only item far enough along with hope of finishing in time.  I had been estimating a solid four to six hour day.  It took three six to eight hour days.  It was all the fiddly tasks needing 4X reading glasses and the frequent breaks due to eye strain.

This was made with size 10 cotton crochet thread with five colors counting the green for the head and extremities.  I'd done the motifs in four colors so that left eight tails each needing tucking and then the two motifs needed sewing together and stuffed and the opening for the stuffing sewed.  Then the head stuffed and sewn on.  Then the tail and feet each crocheted, stuffed and sewn on and each of them took multiple tries as I kept loosing count and having to take it out to the end of row 1.  Then the button eyes needed to be sewn on and then the smile.  And more tails to tuck!  My least favorite task in crochet.  After I got the smile on I discovered I'd put it on what was supposed to be the top of his head.  Sigh.  No way was I going to take it out and do it over.  Not at 2AM.

To give you an idea how small he is, his head is about the size of my thumb.

Hat Tip to Jayda In Stitches for the pattern and tutorial.  Tho she did hers with size 4 worsted yarn.

Log Cabin Afghan

The Log Cabin Afghan I made for my nephew whose birthday was Monday.  The colors are Burgundy, Forest Green and White in Caron Simply Soft.  Below is a close up of the braided loop border that I 'invented'.  I put that in quotes because I don't know for sure it's not in anybody else's repertoire or pattern books it's just something I came up with back when I was still doing only bookmarks.  I do it with two rows of six chain loops staggered around the edge with the single crochet's of the second color done in the blank stitches between the ends of the first color.  Then I take a very large hook (K or bigger) and pull the second loop through the first and the third through the second and so on around.

For the last several rows and the edging I had to sit on my bed to work as the weight of it was pulling it off my lap or just messing with my tension.

But at least I finished this one ahead of schedule--in the wee hours of the 1st.  Leaving what I thought was plenty of time to finish the three items for my sister's birthday yesterday.  But between the sort project, Mom's excursions to ER, eye fatigue and my typical miscalculation of how long a task is likely to take, I ended up with only one finished tho a second one is very close.

Braided Loops Edging

So these birthday projects are part of the explanation for why I had such a poor showing on my ROW80 and Camp NaNo goals but only part.  There was also the major sort project I started Friday the 3rd the day Mom left to spend ten days at my brother's. That gave me the chance to spread my sort project out on her bed without needing to have it put away by Sunday afternoon.  I worked hard on it right through Tuesday. See bottom section for pic and details.

hen Wednesday I had the restart issue discussed in that ROW80 check-in and added to that was the news Mom was exhibiting signs of a stroke and they were taking her to the ER. We were relieved when they did not find evidence of a fresh stroke only the damage from the 2008 stroke. Then Thursday I started work on the scarf for my sister, discovered the issues with it got to the point where I gave up fussing with the fringe and picked up the turtle kit.  That became my near total focus for two full days and I was just getting my head back into it Saturday afternoon when news came that my brother was returning to the ER with Mom as her condition was worsening.  She was unable to get out of bed without help that morning.

So my attention was split between the turtle project and messaging back and forth with my sister who was at the beach with girlfriends and who was messaging and phoning back and forth with our brother all afternoon and into the late evening when they decided to keep Mom overnight for an MRI as the CAT scan was still showing no evidence of a stroke but the symptoms were still screaming STROKE.  So the Doc was thinking the new damage might be masked by the old damage and an MRI might give them a better picture.  So they checked her in that evening and actually did the MRI before bedtime and by 9pm I knew there would be no further messages before morning so I could focus on the turtle again.  I finished it at 2AM.  The second night in a row that I fudged my new bedtime by several hours.  I do not fudge the wake up tho as it is important not to let the wake up time creep or the bedtime cannot reestablish itself and the endless feedback loop will bring all my recent health and well being accomplishments crashing back down around my head.

I was already noticing the evidence of sleep deprivation yesterday afternoon: rising anxiety, impulsiveness, poor judgement, memory deficit, focus deficit, mood dives, impatience, scattered thoughts, silly mistakes.  So I'm determined to get myself in bed by sundown even though I won't get to address any of the writing goals today.  Efforts would be sub par anyway.  I may get to do some of the read/study goals if I lay down soon enough.

Tho I suppose I could count this post as it is enough like the journaling concept to make no difference.

At least I won't have to clear Mom's bed off as I had been anticipating all week. She was supposed to come home this evening according to the original plan before the ER visits.  But that is a blessing I could do without.  Late this afternoon the doctor confirmed she has had another stroke in the same location as before and they are going to keep her for a couple more days and then probably rehab.  If they are unable to help her regain what she has lost this time everything is going to change here and I'll probably have to re-calibrate my goals.  She is currently unable to get herself out of bed or dress herself.  And it takes her two minutes to answer the question 'Are you too warm'  with 'I - I - I - I --- think --- so.

A Round of Words in 80 Days
Round 3 2020

The writing challenge that
 knows you have a life

Camp NaNoWriMo July 2020

2020 Round 3 ROW80 and July Camp NaNo goals check-in:

* Sleep 7.5 hours Daily Minimum --  Unsatisfactory

* Move/Breathe/Meditate 15 min Daily minimum  -- Satisfactory effort

* Storydreaming with note-taking tools at hand. 15 min Daily MInimum -- This is a technique I learned from Robert Olen Butler in the book From Where You Dream. -- Unsatisfactory

* Read Fiction 30 min Daily Average --  Above and beyond

* Read/Study Craft 15 min Daily Average --  Above and beyond

* Social network activities 30 min Daily Minimum (writing Joystory posts doesn't count only social reaching out like reading/commenting on other blogs, guest posts and posting to fb, twitter, pinterest etc) -- something I've a strong resistance to.  --  Above and beyond

* 30 min Daily minimum engagement with a scavenger hunt though all my creative writing files including Joystory looking for better than shitty first draft scenes, sections, stories, poems and essays and edit, organize and make hard copies. --  Unsatisfactory

* To prep for self-pub: Gather all my poems into a single Scrivener file. Minimum one poem per day until all accounted for.  Adding new ones encouraged. --   Unsatisfactory

* Personal Journaling 45 min or 1000 words whichever come first Daily Minimum -- This is the heart of the writing challenge.  The preceding provides the structure and the nutrients that nurtures and honors the work which I've learned over time must exist to ensure that this becomes more than just dabbling.  --  Unsatisfactory

Sorta Sorted

This is the sort project on Mom's bed as of this evening.  It represents huge progress since the 3rd but also since New Years.  This week I passed a major milestone in having sorted though every jumbled box, bag, drawer, cupboard, nook, cranny, closet in my areas of control in the upstairs rooms. Now, with similar and alike stuff all gathered into one place I can take those bags and boxes and do fine tune sorts of individual categories which will seldom require spreading out on Mom's bed for more than a few hours if at all.  The final step after individual categories are sorted is to calibrate the size of each group of items' home base and designate the location and any necessary container.

At that point a lot of the items I'm holding onto for now can also go away as they are either containers for sorting into and out of or prospective home containers for items or project kits.  Some of that is already happening as I progress.  Most of that pile of boxes seen in the right edge of that picture is already redundant.

I still need to do the same for the stuff in the garage and the stuff in the basement.  The garage will be easy as it is all stuff that was sorted and packed in preparation for the hoped-for return to the Rogue Valley to rejoin Ed which morphed into the hope to join him in his new apartment across the river but that's not going to happen and now I need to go through it all to separate His and Hers and repack.  The basement area was the sort project I abandoned when Ed moved up here in 2016 and I'd already removed to the garage most of the useful household items and what remained were items most see as garbage but I saw promise for upcycle craft projects. Or as tools for the sort project itself.  With the practice I've had at letting go of stuff these past few months that shouldn't take long to complete.

I'm getting better and better at letting go.  The sort project has become my therapy as it is helping me sort my mental and emotional stuff as I sort my physical objects.  And it is giving me something to OCD on to replace the tendency to OCD on Ed.  I've nearly broken the habit of keeping a running narrative in my head of all the things I plan to share with him in our next chat.  I've nearly reached peace with the understanding there will be no more 'chats' no more casual sharing of thoughts and emotions, pitfalls and triumphs.  Future communication will be utilitarian for the purpose of separating our respective belongings and proceeding with the legal divorce.

For an explanation and links to backstory see the ROW80/Camp NaNo Goals post.

Read more...

Wardrobe Malfunction

My Library and My Closet

My side of the bed in Mom's room is a never ending chore.  About once a month I get fed up and do a major re-organize that addresses whatever issues I was blaming the disorder on and I think 'This time I'll keep it this way!'

But no.

It occurs to me there are just some issues that can't be fixed by rearranging stuff.

One of them is the fact that during the day I can't see anything but dark shadows backlit by window light.

While the evenings are taken up by dinner and reading to Mom before she goes to bed.

So that leaves the weekends when Mom is at my brother's to address it.  Whether that means putting away the clean clothes laid willy-nilly during the week and those disarranged by rummaging for outfits or a complete reorganizing like it needs now.  Just one of a gazillion tasks that jostle for attention between Friday afternoon and Sunday evening.

The state it is in now is partly explained by my having unpacked the winter clothes from the big duffle that was supporting the boxes on the purple chair just before Christmas.  Not only is the duffle not plump enough to support the boxes I've not got around to packing up the summer clothes so there's more stuff to shuffle.

Another issue that can't be fixed by rearranging the stuff is the fact that 50% or more of it is too big for me now and needs to be purged...  All the 2x and 3x  and sizes 20 to 24 need to go or be altered.  And even certain cuts and styles of 1x and 18s.  Also the size 8.5 - 9 shoes.

But that's an issue that goes deeper than a simple organization task.  I'm emotionally attached to every item.  It's going to take more than a weekend to deal with that.

But if I did purge all that maybe I could have the purple chair back as a reading chair again.  Could that be motivation enough?

Maybe.

But iffy.

Read more...

Boxed Up Bushels of Desiccated Passions

Mom's Paper's and Misc.

 I finally got Mom's papers and misc consolidated from 11 boxes, three bags, and three shelves of various sizes into 8 bushel sized boxes.  I wanted that uniform look bad enough to empty several of those Bear Creek pear box tops of other things so I could use them for Mom's things.  I even switched the contents of one of Mom's bushel sized fruit boxes with a different label into one of these so they would match.  Aesthetics matter to me even when its mostly junk I guess.

Paper Sorting Station.
See Tomorrow's Sunday Serenity
for the story about that painting.

Here is the cubby desk and its cupboard after I pulled everything out of it.  The paper sorting set up on the desk there is for my papers.  I set the painting I found with others behind the file cabinet to block the ugly view as that is what I gaze at when I look up from the screen.

In the cupboard, bottom right is a boot box full of books I pulled out of one of Mom's boxes that had papers laid on top.  On the left are some fragile items I'll need to find better homes for or leave here if I can't.  The middle shelf right is a stack of empty three-ring binders.  Some were already in this cupboard but the bulk I'd pulled out of the one of the bigger boxes weeks ago, emptying them of the 'Alphabet Soup' papers destined for the recycle.  The left side contains a stack of empty file folders, pocket folders, three-ring binder tabbed dividers and report covers.  Same story.

'Mom's Alphabet Soup' was my affectionate name for all the councils, boards, advisory committee, and support groups that Mom participated in throughout the 80s, 90s, and right up until her broken hip and stroke in late 2008.  Tho she had slowed way down after Dad's cancer diagnosis in 2004.

I meant no disrespect by that nickname, it was my admission that I could not keep up.  I remember only BVI and AARP.  That last needs no explanation.  BVI was the Blind and Visually Impaired Support Group for which Mom was President for awhile and I acted as her secretary.  I created a database of members on my recently acquired multi-media computer in 1996 and maintained it until I left Longview in 1999.

I just realized something that is making me sad.  I've just made this room entirely my own with this makeover.  Tho Mom's stuff is still in here, little of it is on display.  None of it is where she left it except what is in her desk drawers, file cabinet and the long wooden cabinet my Great Books set sits atop.  But that's only because I haven't gotten to them yet.

My sister said that if what happened to any of the stuff in here mattered to me I should take responsibility for sorting it because no one else in the family is going to have the patience.  She like Dad before her envisions a dumpster when the time comes.

I imagine that for every bushel I sort through I might find a shoe box full of stuff worth saving and even that is a matter of opinion.  Mom was a collector like me.  She collected a lot of clippings from newspapers and magazines.  She was also an inveterate greeting card sender and receiver--still is.

But seeing it boxed up like this now makes too real the fast approaching time in which all of the things that mattered to Mom and few others will be boxed up...

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Somethings Got To Give

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I am feeling pinned down by the weight of too many projects.  Completely self-inflicted.  The fallout of years of starting big and little thises and thats and neither finishing nor giving up on them.  So they stay on my todo list that must be ten miles long in ten point font by now.

A sampling:

Several dozen stories and novels in my efiles
Several dozen poems in my efiles
Several dozen fiber arts projects in embroider, needlepoint, counted cross stitch and crochet
Several hundred books in my possession and on the shelves of half a dozen libraries between San Jose and Seattle
Several hundred book reviews in my efiles
Several dozen essays in my efiles
Several dozen letters composed and never sent in my efiles
Several dozen word puzzles and riddles created for a web site concept in my efiles
Several dozen crafty projects not fiber arts related
Several hundred (thousands?) family photos scanned into computer needing to be cropped, labeled, and organized
Several thousand ebooks loaded on netbook with wonky metadata.  (no I haven't started that many just obsessively collect them and then spend more time playing with the metadata than reading them)
Several hundred podcasts loaded on netbook
Over a dozen audio books loaded on netbook
Several dozen aborted blog posts in efiles
Over a dozen applications I hope to become more proficient at loaded on netbook with tutorials
Several dozen research projects--some just because, some related to other projects
Over half a dozen boxes of papers and misc still needing sorted from last move and now another is upon us.
Several dozen neglected blogging and social networking tasks (my sidebars haven't relflected my current interests and endevors for two or three years and my reciprocal visiting is way behind and and and and...)
Several dozen ARCs in process somewhere between reading first page and posting review.
The latest project of selfpublishing ebooks entailing the mastering of formatting for the various platforms and the self-promotion

I could go on and on.

The point is that I'm trying to face the fact that there is too much and something has to give.  Especially now that I've put my health and my marriage on project status and given them priority over everything else.

I know I must let some of it go.  Probably most of it.  But as anxious as the weight of the projects makes me, the thought of letting go of any one item on the list is also nerve wracking.  How do I choose?

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Did I Miss My Calling?

Still busy sorting and packing.  2pm Saturday is when I have to be ready to load my sister's van. That's less than 36 hours as I type this and I have to leave time for sleep (6hrs minimum) and a shower.  Have already been awake for almost 12 hours.

So, to the point of the title and pictures.  While packing and sorting I began to notice how many things I've made out of other things or repurposed in some way or another.  I seem to have quite a knack for it.

Pictured to the right is one of my crochet wrist bag kits.  Such kits will hold the ball(s) of thread and the project and sometimes the hook and the pattern.  This one is made out of a ziplock sandwich bag, a child's elastic headband and one of those clips for paper designed to lie flat after you fold the little rods used to pinch it open down.

When the project uses multiple colors I'll put the individually bagged balls into a larger bag together.  If it is just two or three colors that could be a gallon sized ziplock but for larger projects using many colors I use things like gift bags or the packaging for bed sheets like the one in the next picture.

The baggie pictured above is one of tenseparate kits all part of one large project--the crafter's tote which is my Secret Santa project.  Actually there are only 9 kits now as one of the 9 strips of squares is finished so there are now kits for 8 strips of squares and the Moebus strip that will be the bottom, sides and shoulder strap of the bag.  Waaaaaaaaaaaay behind on this project btw.

That project is sitting inside a gift bag atop a plethora of small projects ranging from bookmarks, to fingerless gloves, to headbands, and a drawstring purse.  That gift bag sits inside the lid of an apple box.

More repurposing.

Behind that gift bag are three more gift bags and a drawstring bag made of the same material as a set of our bed sheets as it was their packaging.

There are a total of 17 separate projects in the apple box.  I didn't count up the kits inside the projects.


Another example of re-purposing and dare I say, ingenuity is represented by this picture of the headphone jack on my netbook.

During my last visit at Mom's she started hearing voices coming out of my netbook when I was wearing my earbuds.  Around that same time I notice there was static that I couldn't eliminate unless I positioned the wire just right and did not move it.

When I looked at the two jacks--headphone on the left and microphone on the right--I noticed that the right one had a red ring around it and the left one a green ring.  The colors are not visible in the picture because I was too close an the flash bleached out the color.

I had always thought that those rings were just decorative and two colors possibly to identify them.  But when I started looking closer around the time the problems started last spring, I noticed there were tiny cracks in the green one.  I pushed on it and a tiny crumb fell out.  After that the problem seemed to clear up but only for a day or two so I don't know how or if that helped or hurt.

This problem has been on my mind as I anticipated the return to Mom's because my workstation is beside the bed in her room so I can't have it making noise.  It meant I couldn't watch video or play games while she slept but there was also the risk of the computer beeping and such.  To prevent that I would mute it but that made me miss a lot of important cues.  Seems to me there should be a way to mute the speakers without muting the headphones.

So yesterday while I was sorting I was thinking about it and it popped into my head that those rings might be some kind of insulation and thus the static when the plug touched something it shouldn't or was not seated properly in its connection.  I've heard that having such things fixed can cost more than replacing the computer so I was racking my brain for some way to test my theory by sticking something non-conducive in the spot where that crumb fell out.

Among the stuff I'd been sorting were a stack of labels off deli meat containers. Those reusable ones with the brightly colored lids.  I collect those containers and reuse them for various things both in the kitchen and office and bathroom and....  But why collect the lids you might wonder.  Well they are stuck on with an interesting glue that is kinda rubbery and stretchy and will stick to most surfaces and come off without leaving a mark.  A bit like post-it glue.  The best way to save those clumps of glue was to sandwich them between two of those labels as their slick surface was ideal.  Their slick surface is also ideal for holding post-its inside a book instead of sticking them to the page.

Anyway I decided to stuff a bit of that glue into the spot where the green ring was broken.  This was quite a tricky procedure because that glue has a property of returning to its original shape after you let go of it no matter how you have stretched and squeezed and twisted it.  But I finally managed to stretch a piece of it out thin as a string, hold it in place over the crack and push it int with a needle.

I've tested it several times in the last 24 and some hours and so far I've heard not peep out of the speakers.  Here's hoping.

i was quite pleased with myself.  Also feeling justified in my hoarding.  LOL.  Which came in a moment of deep questioning of my hoarding issue because of all the time I've spent in the last two weeks sorting boxes, bags, jars, cans, cartons and bottles.  Not the stuff inside such things but empty boxes, bags, jars, cans, cartons and bottles.  Nearly all of it is product packaging.  But there are the gift bags and the normal tote bags, backpacks and purses, and grocery bags and trash bags.

Oh yes.  Some people call it a sickness.

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Smashwords

I had to download some review copy books from here today and then spent hours exploring and downloading free books, short stories and samples.  Not everything is free of course.  On most things it is possible to read online or download a sample that tends to be 30% of the complete book even if it is a 300 page novel.  The theory behind that is that most people investing in a hundred pages of a story will pay to see how it ends.

I joined as I am thinking about putting some of the stories  I've already posted on Joystory in snippets on here as free ebooks to make it easier for anyone interested to read them beginning to end.  It might also serve as promotion for future novels once finished which I could sell via Smashwords. Based on what I've seen today, I like the atmosphere and attitude at Smashwords better than Amazon.

It is free for authors to publish ebooks and they get over 80% of every sale.

I'll just drop the info direct from their FAQ:

What does Smashwords offer authors?Over 30,000 authors around the world collectively publish and distribute over 78,000 ebooks with Smashwords.  Smashwords makes it fast, free and easy to publish and distribute your ebook to the world's largest ebook retailers and mobile phone apps. Authors control the pricing, sampling and marketing of their books, and receive 85% of the net sales proceeds from their works (70.5% for affiliate sales) for sales at our Smashwords.com retail operation, and authors earn 60% of the list price for sales though our distribution network of retailers including the Apple iBookstore, Barnes & Noble, Sony, Kobo and the Diesel eBook Store.

I have got to get control of my obsessive collecting of free ebooks that started in late October.  I've now got over 2000 which is ridiculous as even at the improved speed that reading ebooks gives me I couldn't read them all in under a decade as it is unlikely I'd be able to maintain a book a day pace which would still take at least 6 years!  I'm a hopeless hoarder.

In the case of the classics tho, I just like knowing they are there for the whim that may take me.  Many of them I have read tho decades ago.  And then there is the nostalgia factor for those children's classics I read as a child or YA.

Ah, well I might as well accept I am who I am.  Collecting ebooks seems one of the less malignant of my hoarding proclivities.

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Just What I Need

Star Wars Pram Mobile

More concepts for crocheted do-dads!

And a new site to spend time on that displays stuff you didn't know existed and once you do you just MUST have.

Hoarders Delight

Must Have Cute is another site in the icanhascheezeburger.com family. I just discovered it this evening after accidentally clicking a link when I fumbled the mouse. Ordinarily I avoid visiting the other sites because I know myself too well--how easily I get addicted to certain kinds of things. My nearly daily visits to the cute kittehs already eats up more time than I should allow.

But isn't this pram mobile cute? And not just because it features Star Wars characters. I can picture endless variations on the theme of a flat strip or a string with a series of dangles of various shapes, colors and themes.

Yep. Just what this hoarder with her collection of crocheted bookmarks approaching 300 and her collection of 2.5 dozen unfinished thread WIP needs.

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Just Too Much

Too much stuff. Too much to do.

It would help if I wasn't constantly re-doing the same thing over and over.

Blame the stuff for a lot of that!

I had other plans for my time and energy this even as for both Sunday and Monday evening but I just had to take apart my desk area for the third time since Saturday and rearrange it yet again. It took over three hours all four times!

The glitch was having put more weight than it could bear on the tray table that serves as my desk and then it would slowly start to bend over the next twelve hours or so. One of the problems is that I am trying to keep too many items related to too many projects within arms reach from where I sit on the bed because it is such an hassle to move what I have on my lap in order to get up and fetch it. Plus at night it also disturbs Ed's sleep.

I'm forced to sit on the bed for everything because there isn't room for a chair in this room.

Too much stuff!

It's so bad now I've not got enough elbow room to wield keyboard, needles or crochet hook freely. Especially when Ed's sleeping.

In spite of my best efforts to organize I often spend more time getting projects out and putting them away than I do working on them.

My best efforts at organizing sometimes seem to be little else than rearranging stuff that I seldom see between the rearranging efforts.

I have so much stuff blocking my access to my clothes it is often such a huge effort to get ready to go somewhere I just don't.

It was in January of 2008 that I blogged about the great room make over that was supposed to make life so much easier. And it did for a time. I purged a lot of stuff and found many efficient, space saving ways to store the remaining stuff. But I never actually finished the sorting and purging that year and since then I've brought in huge amounts of craft stuffs relating to the crocheted bookmarks and their wardrobes of ribbons and beads and buttons and thread.

It's time for another room makeover. It's time for another purge. But it can't be the craft stuff or books that get purged. Reorganized after room is made for them by purging other stuff maybe but not got rid of.

Starting with the boxes stuffed with stuff that needs sorting and boxes stuffed with boxes and plastic bags and various sizes and shapes of containers I saved for storing the sorted stuff that isn't purged.

Completing a few of the over dozen unfinished craft projects so they and their materials don't have to live in separate boxes and bags would go a long way toward freeing up space.

Finishing them would be easier if the tools and materials were better organized.

What would really help would be having our own place to live so we aren't confined in this 10x12 foot room. But that isn't going to happen anytime soon as Ed's working under 20 hours a week. We've got to be grateful Ed even still has a job as his company has just gone though bankruptcy reorganization and he wasn't sure until this week that his job was going to still be there next month.

As I worked to stabilize my desk this evening I was working myself up to committing to making that this Saturday's project while the family was away at the races. But I just learned the races are likely to be rained out again this week.

I'm just not sure how to go about working on the big sort and purge if I'm constrained by the walls of this room and the hours between 3 and 9pm not counting the two hours for dinner and dishes. Those are the only hours I can count on neither me nor Ed needing the bed for sleep. Why is that? Because there isn't enough room for both of us to sleep well at the same time because of the wall of shelves towering to either side of this standard sized bed and all of the pillows (7) and the two shams stuffed with quilts.

Oh and the cat.

And no we're not purging the cat!

It might help if I purged a hundred pounds off myself. But that's a whole other issue.

Isn't it?

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Becoming the Books

Artist : Andre Martins de Barros

Ed and I had just finished eating at 8:30 this evening and all I wanted to do was get my post up--which was going to be my first reading challenge for 2011--but first I had to plug in my clock and find space for the books I'd brought home from the library yesterday. The clock task was supposed to take five minutes or less but it involved excavating for the power strip and that involve some minor clutter patrol so it took twenty minutes.

I had no problem finding space for the books and DVD I checked out yesterday as they just slipped into the slots left behind but the stuff returned. But when it came to the six books I bought of the Friends of the Library shelf.... Well that was a whole other story.

That involved pulling books and other things off the shelf next to my pillows under a ledge that is easy to bump my head on and is dark as a cave unless I move the pillows and shams filled iwth quilts that serve to prop me to sit up in bed. So there I was laying stretched out on the bed reaching back behind my head pulling books and misc out of the cave and piling the behind me until they were toppling and piling them in front of me until they threatened to fall off the bed and then resorting to piling them on myself along my hip and thigh and ribs on my right side as I lay on my left side.

And in the middle of all this Merlin decided he just had to get to his window perch on the ledge above my head and his best path was me. He walked up my right leg to the first small stack of paperbacks and was about to climb it when my startled yelp gave him pause and my stern 'OFF' backed him off.

At that point I had to pause and lay back to completely rest my arms and I became fully cognizant of the sensation of being buried by books or possibly composed of books. Or maybe a bit of both.

And then I made the sad acknowledgment that any books I squirreled away in this cave now would have the same fate as those I'd last put there--the very ones I was now pulling out in order to rearrange and/or redistribute to make room for the newest six--nearly six months ago.

So I've now commenced another round of soul searching and re-evaluation of my relationship to my books.

But it will probably end in the same place it always does.

I am who I am and it is what it is.

BTW it was after 11 when I got the bed cleared and put back together and by then Ed had fallen asleep in the living room recliner while watching Netlix online and I had to keep after him for another half an hour to wake up and get his self and his stuff move back to the room.

And it is now almost 2am as a prepare to click 'publish post' and I haven't even started crocheting on the baby afghan so it is going to be hard to get Tuesday's quota of 4 done by dawn. This morning before I slept I had actually crocheted five rows since waking on Monday but got to count only two towards the quota as I had removed three of them including one of them twice! I am am soooo behind on it now. At least half a week. I'm a few inches into row 43 and by Thursday dawn I should be on row 66. One 36 inch row takes me on average an hour.

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Crochet Thread Hoard

The Joanne.com order that arrive today

Seen on the flap are the variegated Lizbeth size 20 (Bubble Gum: red, pink, aqua) and the size 20 Snow White DMC Cebelia and the silver and gold metallic thread intended for embroidering on wide solid-color ribbon. Yet another bookmark concept.

In the box, standing up against the back wall, are the tubes of 3 Lilac and 3 Buttercup Aunt Lydia's Bamboo. I sent for so many at once because I wanted to be sure I had plenty for the afghan with at least one for the bookmarks. I've never found the Lilac in the stores and the yellow only once and not in the last three months. So I had sent for one Lilac in my last order and had the one yellow I'd found in the store awhile back when I started the afghan.

In the bottom of the box are the cotton or Bamboo all but one size 10.

• Top row left corner: True Blue and Crystal Blue of the Knit-Cro-Shen brand.
• Top row right corner: Knit-Cro-Shen Pastels. (I'm collecting variegated pastels, hoping to find the one used in that bookmark I found in my Dad's book in 2006. The fertilizer of my current bookmark-making craze)
• Middle row left to right: Aunt Lydia's Bamboo Twig (brown), Aunt Lydia's Bamboo Coral, Aunt Lydia's Bamboo Cruise Blue (size 3). Would have gotten in size 10 if they'd had it and now devoutly hope they will soon as it is a shade of Aqua which I'd love to combine with the Coral, Twig, Brown or White. Next in the middle: Aunt Lydia's Aspen Multi (brown, green, cream and blue?), Aunt Lydia's shades of Yellow
• Bottom row: Aunt Lydia's Blue Hawaii, Aunt Lydia's River Blue, Aunt Lydia's Dark Royal, Aunt Lydia's Violet.

I've mentioned several times since making that order a bit over a week ago that I was going to have problems finding room for it. I'd hoped to get it all reorganized before the order arrived. Until a couple days ago when I decided I might as well wait and make organizing part of the fun of exploring the new order as it would provide opportunity to put new colors next to older ones to anticipate cool combinations for multicolor patterns.

I got called to dinner before fully exploring the contents of the box but immediately after dinner and dishes I started gather all the thread from all the places it was stored or had strayed and separating into various groups that made sense to me. Today's box of course; all that has been added before today but after my arrival home from Longview in mid August; the afghan stash; the replacements for colors getting low; and the storage drawers as they existed after I finished unpacking in August.

Thread bought before this order but after my return home in mid August

Some of these were from a previous Joanne.com order but the majority were from various shopping expeditions to the Joanne store, Michael's or WalMart

After this picture was taken, I took out all but the size 10 cotton and the two bamboo and added all the size 10 cotton from today's Joanne.com order, one each of all the bamboo colors--including those from the Joanne box, the original blue and white balls I've had nearly a year and raiding the afghan stash for green, yellow, lilac, and pink, which I can spare since deciding to make the smaller version. So now I can start making bookmarks using these colors singly or together in 2, 3 , 4, 5 and 6 color patterns.

I pulled out the five Sugar n Cream skeins intended for the crewel embroidery on my Mom's cotton knit sweater and put in a separate bag. I'll soon be making up a project bag that includes the sweater itself.

The vinyl case seen in the picture once contained the set of fleece sheets Ed got for Christmas. But between then and now it held the Sugar n Cream and all of the extra bamboo for the afghan. Now it holds all the size 10 cotton and bamboo of which I've made zero to very few bookmarks and so I wish to keep them near me until I've made one each of the single color patterns and at least one for each color in a multicolor pattern whether combined with the colors in the case or in the drawers. So I've stashed that vinyl case under my desk atop the boxes contain office misc. which puts it inches from my left knee as I sit on the bed

I combined all my size 20 and 30 thread--from the drawer the box and the vinyl case--into a shoebox-sized box setting next to my printer inches from my left elbow as I sit on the bed. This is where I've been keeping many of them for several weeks. I often just grab the end of a thread and a size 9 or smaller crochet hook and leaving the ball in the box work a bookmark in 20 to 40 minutes. I've enjoyed this practice so I'm leaving the box there for now and making it the home of all size 20 and 30. I may add my size 50 and 100 white and the two tatting thread balls all from my Mom's stash.

Left: the baby afghan project w/one ea of the six colors in the white bag atop the blue bag w/ the rest of the bamboo thread for the afgan--5 white & 1 or 2 of ea pastel

Right: a craft bag temporarily holding the 7 replacement balls for colors running low

BTW I got my four row quota on the afghan before I slept this morning. In spite of having to take out three quarters of the last row I worked and putting it back in. I haven't started working on since waking to find my Joanne.com box ans so probably won't make my 4 to 5 row quota before I need to sleep.

In fact I may just give myself the day off entirely and start crocheting with my new thread as soon as I'm posted. If I have time before I sleep that is as I didn't get started writing this until after 1AM as I didn't get the bed cleared off until 11pm and then I'd misplaced my camera with the pictures on it and spent 40 some minutes looking for it and another half hour processing for posting.

The two drawers holding the thread I had collected by early August.

On the left is the drawer containing all my size 10 solids as of mid August. When all balls are full this drawer holds four double rows of six with three on the bottom and three on top but when one or more of the balls are at least half gone I can fit a forth one in its row. Which is why you see four in the middle two rows. I probably could have fit another one in the row seen at bottom left as the black and the white (under the black) are well over half gone.

The drawer on the right contains all non size 10 and/or non solid and/or old and/or non-cotton and/or novelty thread and/or remnants. There are many that fit two or more of those criteria, like the size 30 variegated from Ed's grandma's stash--one of the original 8 or 9 partial balls that seeded this obsession nearly two years ago. Some of the old came from my mom's stash--again in various sizes. And some of the old--also in various sizes--were found in a thrift store by my sister.

This drawer had room to spare still before the latest order and even was holding some of the replacement balls. But now, if I were to put in all the thread that fit any of those criteria I could not close the drawer.

There is a third drawer in the chest which currently holds yarn. But it is so overstuffed it is a major hassle to open and close so I'd already been thinking of moving the yarn somewhere else to make room for more crochet thread. I suppose I'll be doing that soon.

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Hoarders R Us

Ai yi yi.

We; got home from the family Christmas gathering about 9:30 and tho I was exhausted and all I wanted to do was crash on the bed, I couldn't even sit on it until I got it cleared off. It took me two hours and it still isn't done right. Stuff is stuffed in willynilly.

The unmade bed was layered in pillows and blankets, bath towels and clothes, books, wrapping paper and tissue and product packaging and shopping bags and several of my crochet projects and several more loose balls of crochet thread and things I bought for myself while shopping for last minute Christmas gifts this afternoon.

While shopping for my gift for Ed I was also shopping for more crochet thread for two time sensitive projects. One for my Mom's birthday January 3 and the other for my niece's baby due January 7th. Besides four skeins of Sugar N cream yarn for the first and five skeins of bamboo crochet thread for the latter, I picked up two skeins of bamboo and one of cotton for my bookmark projects. I am totally running out of room to store the thread.

Recently I started keeping balls and skeins of thread and yarn in project kits in order to keep some of them out of the overstuffed drawers holding my thread and yarn collection. But now I've run out of room to keep the project bags. And besides it is another bad habit of mine (related I'm sure) to collect projects until I'm so overwhelmed I can't finish any of them.

The project for my Mom is the same one I started a year and a half ago. I was supposed to embroider a sweat pea vine on one of her sweaters that my sister had created several small bleached spots on. I blogged about it several times summer before last. I'd hoped to have it done by her birthday this year (11 and a half months ago) but had gotten discouraged by one issue after another stemming from my not knowing what I was doing. The biggest issue being that embroidery floss does not play well with yarn. The sweater is knit in a cotton sport yarn and I've been trying to find a compatible cotton yarn to work the flowers and vine for over a year now. I had looked at the Sugar N Cream brand before and thought it might work if I could find the solid colors I needed--green and at lest three pastel shades. But all I ever saw were the variegated colors. A couple weeks ago I found the shade of green I needed for the vine. Today I found lavender, rose and aqua.

The bamboo thread I picked up today was to augment what I got in the Joanne.com order last week. At the time I sent for it I thought I had until March so had not ordered enough to complete the baby afghan I had planned for my expecting niece in Montana. I'm still not sure I have enough but by the time I've used half of what I have I will know exactly how much it is likely to take to finish.

I was going to list the Christmas presents I got today but I'm wiped out. I had only three hours of sleep before Ed woke me to get ready for the shopping. I came so close to not going. Ed offered to take me on Sunday instead. That would have been fine for the afghan thread but it would have meant not including my gift to Ed in this weekend's family festivities and that didn't sit well. It has been several years since Ed gave me money to shop for him. Last year he wanted his laptop and the year before it was his MP3 player and though I went with him, he did the shopping and selecting.

This year I got for him. I'd known for months what I wanted to get him too. He had been expressing and interest in getting back into his hobby of bead weaving with seed beads. I got him a beading loom and about ten packages of seed beads covering most of the main colors in the palette. Both brights and pastels. I added a few storage containers since the packages were cellophane and would not hold the beads once opened.hub

He got me another set of headphones to replace the ones he got me for my birthday and which I killed two weeks later on Thanksgiving morning when I let my netbook slide off the bed where it landed on the plug and broke it clean off.

He added to that a USB hub with four ports. I've been complaining about having to unplug the DVD drive or the mouse in order to plug in the printer or camera.

He added to that a crochet stitch guide that is a set of cards in a box instead of a book. 101 stitches to learn.

He put all of that in a cloth 'gift bag' which will serve as another craft bag. It is just like the one he put my headphones in on my birthday only different pattern.

Ed got a set of chocolate brown fleece sheets and a cooling platform for his laptop from his Secret Santa who turned out to be his Sister for whom I had been Secret Santa.. The one I made the shawl for.

I got a set of black Jerzy sheets for the bed, a fleece jacket and a sweater-shirt from my Secret Santa who turned out to be my niece again. The niece who lives locally and is still in high-school. I was her Secret Santa last year.

Ed got 2 pair of jeans from his folks and I got fleece lounge pants and $20 check to spend on thread, beads and ribbon for my bookmarks.

Well. another family gathering begins in twelve hours.....

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