Sunday Serenity #22

Did You Hear The One?
Fine Art Print for sale at art.com

Laughter works better than laudanum to induce serenity so today I am sharing the jokes from two emails I received recently:

25 WAYS TO MAINTAIN A HEALTHY LEVEL OF INSANITY

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars See if they slow down.
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.
3. Every time someone asks you to do something,Ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN".
5. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has Gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
6. In the memo field of all your checks, Write "for smuggling diamonds".
7. Finish all your sentences with "in accordance with the prophecy".
8. Speak and Don't use any punctuation.
9. As Often as possible, skip rather than walk.
10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat -
With a serious face.
11. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".
12. Sing along at the opera.
13. Put mosquito netting around your work area. Play tropical sounds all day.
14. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.
15. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.
16. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Bottom.
17. When the money comes out the ATM, scream "I won! I won!"
18. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling, "run for your lives,they're loose!!"
19. Tell your children over dinner "due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."
20. Whenever someone tells you about a great deal on free range eggs, you begin doing the chicken dance and singing at the top of your lungs (in the middle of the store).
21. You walk up to someone and tell them happy birthday (even when you know it isn't. In fact it's a rule that you can't tell anyone happy birthday on their actual birthday). In fact, in case I forgot to tell you all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
22. Sing in the shower
23. Make faces at yourself in the mirror
24. Listen to "crayons can melt on us for all I care" (the 10 second song) by relient k (if you haven't heard it here's a link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFEYCTqY86g)
25. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity:
Share this with someone to make them smile and laugh.
Its called therapy.

"Of All the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most"

This one's for the girls:

Now I lay me down to sleep
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags
And please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray
And as for my belly, Please take it away.
Please keep me healthy, Please keep me young,
And thank you Dear Lord, For all that you've done.

Five tips for a woman....
1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2. It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to You.
4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.

Foot Note: One saggy boob said to the other saggy boob: 'If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts.'