Sunday, July 29, 2007

Monday Poetry Train #10

I couldn't resist coming back to add this video after fining it on Ed's Sunday Serenity

This poem was written as an exercise presented in Gabriele Ricco's Writing the Natural Way. The exercise involved mimicking the form of poem that you liked. I owe gratitude to the author of the poem which I mimicked. I loaned my copy of that book out over a decade ago and never got it back. Then I lost the rough-drafts of this poem where I noted the page number of Ricco's book on which that poem was and the author's name. I hesitated posting this because of not being able to credit that author appropriately. That poem had the same number of lines and the phrase 'I remember' was in the same positions but except for the words 'I remember' all the words in this one are mine.

Remembering Dandelions
by Joy Renee

I remember the caress of the petals
Against eyelids, against nose--soft.
I remember the bright of the yellow
Against grass, against sky--summer.
I remember the growl of the mower,
That sliced, that severed--sudden.
I remember the sound of my scream
Against pain, against loss--sundered:

"Mama! Don’t kill my flowers!"

I remember the caress of soft love.
I remember the bright of summer bliss.
I remember the growl of sudden sorrow.
I remember the sound of sundered innocence.

I remember dandelions.

10 tell me a story:

Anne D 7/30/2007 5:50 AM  

What a mean mum!

Anonymous,  7/30/2007 6:10 AM  

"...I remember the sound of sundered innocence...."

For me, it was a spider in her web.
I called her Charlotte.
The sound of Raid. I never did forgive my older cousin for that.

T.A.Chase 7/30/2007 6:37 AM  

I love dandelions, though I know others don't always do. they might be weeds, but they are so bright and yellow.

Lisa Andel 7/30/2007 7:05 AM  

I'm trying to be in my happy place here people (I'm on my vacation, finally!) and you all are bringing me to tears. In a good way though.

Julia Phillips Smith 7/30/2007 8:15 AM  

This is fabulous, Joy! The repetitive structure really gives the poem insistence and a hypnotic ability to take the reader back in time to childhood. Wonderful images, like "the caress of the petals
Against eyelids, against nose--soft." Thanks for posting this even if you can't remember the first poet's name.

Anonymous,  7/30/2007 8:30 AM  

Such a beautiful poem. I like the last stanza very much.

Susan Helene Gottfried 7/30/2007 12:02 PM  

Whoa. This has a real mood to it. I'm not sure I can describe it, but I like it!

Red Garnier 7/30/2007 12:07 PM  

Wow. Wow. WOW. Speechless. VERY NICE, JOY!!

Rhian 7/30/2007 2:03 PM  

oh this is incredibly and evocative and moving and everyone is right - it brings to mind moments of lost innocence. Mine: I didn't realize Marble-bunny had become dinner until too late.

Sparky Duck 7/30/2007 8:58 PM  

an excellent poem, especially since its about weeds. and the song choice to go with it is close to perfect. I hope you have time to come by

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