Groggy, Letharic and Cranky

It was another hot day here in the Rogue Valley. I believe it topped ninety. Such days would not hit so hard if there were more of them in a row as is more typical here in Southern Oregon in June. But this is the first one above the mid eighties in over a week. We keep bouncing between the mid seventies and mid eighties. It is hard to get acclimated to the heat when it just teases us like this. Thus each time it hits the high eighties I get knocked off my equilibrium again. I am lethargic and depressed. Low mental and physical energy coupled with dashed expectations. leads to feeling low and useless.

Ed, my husband, only worked a few hours this morning. He was home before noon and was anxious to get on the laptop if I was willing to let him have it. He was feeling ambitious so I figured he would make the best use of the afternoon hours. Things only he can do need to get done. Yet, without the laptop, I'm left feeling anxious. I swear my fingers actually start to itch as though being out of contact with the keyboard and touchpad is like having their tips amputated.

The same thing happened the year I spent obsessively cross stitching. I was working this project eight to twelve hours per day for most of the winter of 2003. Whenever I had to put it away for what ever reason, my fingers and palms actually itched. It drove me crazy. I couldn't transfer my attention over to other tasks. That was the year before my inlaws got the new computer and I recommitted to my writing after taking a two year hiatus from all but daily journaling.

But there are plenty of non-computer related things I want to do. Reading and stitching top that list. So this afternoon, I was more than willing to hand the laptop over to Ed. My plan was to see how far I could get in the The Penultimate Peril, the twelfth book in Lemony Snicket's thirteen volume A Series of Unfortunate Events. As much fun as I am having with this series, I am ready to move on. I started them the last week of April hoping to tie, if not beat, my husband's record of reading all thirteen in one week. But the malware attack on my laptop intervened on the third day. Once the pressure to finish in a week was off, I relaxed on them. There have been only a few times that I've picked one up and read for a straight hour or more. They tended to get the most attention during those minutes I waited on pages and files to download or on malware scans or restarts.

This afternoon, then, I set my sights on finishing book twelve by dinner time. I had just started it yesterday evening before dinner. I did great for the first half hour or so. I was sitting out on the porch where Ed had set up with the computer next to his ashtray. His dad was working in the yard and would join us on the porch when he took breaks. There were times they both had cigarettes going and the smoke seemed to aim straight for my face. This aggravated the eyestrain that is part of my visual impairment and made it hard to keep my eyes focused and eventually hard to keep them open and then I started fighting the drowse. Finally gave into it and headed back to our room about two. But the move revived me somewhat. I was able to read for another half hour before I succumbed. I slept for less than an hour and woke into the afternoon heat feeling worse than before. I was groggy and lethargic and cranky.

It is closing in on midnight and I'm not feeling much improved.