Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Stranger in My Bedchamber

doan  wurreez i no lets doz menz  starez at u

I was wakened from a sound sleep shortly after noon after less than four hours of sleep to the sound of mens' voices. My husband's and a stranger's. My husband had escorted the Dish TV tech into the room to see our TV setup.

Now I had been forewarned that the guy was coming sometime between 8am and noon but I didn't think that meant he would be escorted directly into the room without a head's up from Ed first. I went to sleep just before 8 knowing I would be wakened for this but I expected to have a minute or two to open my eyes, sit up, arrange my clothing and the bedding a bit and if not have a chance to put on my face to at least put on my glasses and see the face of the stranger invited into my bedchamber.

This kind of thing pushes all my anxiety buttons. The idea of being observed whether I'm aware of it or not but especially without my knowledge. It has been one of the biggest stressers of the last ten years living in my in-laws single-wide trailer home that I have very little privacy. Even when closed up in this tiny room I'm still constantly aware that any sound--TV, boombox, hangers knocking on the closet wall, snoring, cooing or scolding Merlin, conversations with Ed, phone conversation--made in here signals to the whole house what I'm up to. I don't like that feeling at all.

I thought Ed knew this about me so it never occurred to me I needed to spell out to him that I expected him to come in alone to tell me the guy was here and give me a minute or so to become conscious and somewhat arranged physically.

Tell me, was I expecting too much? Is it terribly last century of me to be discombobulated by the sudden entrance of a strange man into my bedroom while I'm asleep? Does our coming a long way as women mean we need to accept such a thing as par for the course?

2 tell me a story:

Jamie 8/17/2011 10:59 PM  

I think he should have let you know before the man waltz in there. Even if you're a man,or woman a heads up should have bewn extended. Though Ed told you he was coming ahead of time, my question is why didn't you have youraelf already prepared? EEd probably thought she knows he is coming why do I need to let her know again. Just my thoughts.

Joy Renee 8/18/2011 12:14 AM  

because those are the hours i sleep because we split the clock on bandwidth. we didn't know when the guy would get there btwn 8 and noon. i'd either have to stay up til he left and then have to be woke for dinner on short sleep and loose most or all of Wednesday night's internet session or i'd have to give up part of Tuesday night's session to get sleep before 8 if i even could and then assuming i'm doing this without Ed's help at all, set my alarm for 8 and sit up til the guy got there and left--as it turned out he was here from noon to nearly 1 so any way I sliced it i was going to loose some sleep and/or some of my bandwidth hours but why volunteer to give up four hours of sleep because ed couldn't be bothered to stick his head in the door to tell me the guy had just pulled into the driveway.

btw ed doesn't do things like this out of maliciousness or even indifference. he just has his own version of tunnel blindness forging straight ahead on a path without looking right or left or contemplating variations on transpiring events

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