Wednesday, August 17, 2011

The Stranger in My Bedchamber

doan  wurreez i no lets doz menz  starez at u

I was wakened from a sound sleep shortly after noon after less than four hours of sleep to the sound of mens' voices. My husband's and a stranger's. My husband had escorted the Dish TV tech into the room to see our TV setup.

Now I had been forewarned that the guy was coming sometime between 8am and noon but I didn't think that meant he would be escorted directly into the room without a head's up from Ed first. I went to sleep just before 8 knowing I would be wakened for this but I expected to have a minute or two to open my eyes, sit up, arrange my clothing and the bedding a bit and if not have a chance to put on my face to at least put on my glasses and see the face of the stranger invited into my bedchamber.

This kind of thing pushes all my anxiety buttons. The idea of being observed whether I'm aware of it or not but especially without my knowledge. It has been one of the biggest stressers of the last ten years living in my in-laws single-wide trailer home that I have very little privacy. Even when closed up in this tiny room I'm still constantly aware that any sound--TV, boombox, hangers knocking on the closet wall, snoring, cooing or scolding Merlin, conversations with Ed, phone conversation--made in here signals to the whole house what I'm up to. I don't like that feeling at all.

I thought Ed knew this about me so it never occurred to me I needed to spell out to him that I expected him to come in alone to tell me the guy was here and give me a minute or so to become conscious and somewhat arranged physically.

Tell me, was I expecting too much? Is it terribly last century of me to be discombobulated by the sudden entrance of a strange man into my bedroom while I'm asleep? Does our coming a long way as women mean we need to accept such a thing as par for the course?

2 tell me a story:

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