Sunday, May 27, 2007

Sunday Serenity #7

I can't put this off any longer. I haven't been able to get the pics for the post I wanted to do and now it is after noon on Sunday. I was also having trouble coming up with an alternative. That is so me. Hard time switching gears. Especially when I am really focused on one vision for a project. What often happens when the way towards that vision remains blocked is a 'temporary' setting aside of the project that then becomes so long term calling it 'temporary' sounds like a joke or a lame attempt at irony.

My husband did replace the batteries for the digital camera and that did solve the problem. But I didn't immediately drop what I was doing..getting my Thursday Thirteen visitor's links posted to the front page and returning any visits I hadn't yet returned. It was just a matter of minutes before I was done but by then my husband had started a major project that involved both the yard and the living room. He is rebuilding the platform that the swamp cooler sits on as it was rotting. He had to lift the cooler into the living room and in order to do that he had to move the couch out on a diagonal into the middle of the floor. There is a way around but it is an obstacle course with sharp edges and with my visual impairment not one I want to negotiate even once let alone repeatedly. He thought it was only going to take an hour or so but that was almost two hours ago and it doesn't look close to done.

Setting up the photo shoot that failed yesterday was a matter of five or more trips from the bedroom to the front porch. I considered, briefly, going out to the back yard instead. But my mother-in-law is doing her laundry. Anyone familiar with the typical floor plan of a single wide trailer house knows that one of the likely places for the washer and dryer hook up is right by the back door. The hallway that links the living room with the master bedroom in the back goes past our bedroom door before it goes through the laundry room. So I am essentially trapped in our room until the living room is safely back to normal.

Oh, I could go ahead and start moving stuff out to the back yard. It is not like my MIL is going to be standing between me and the door every second. But I have this intense anxiety associated with fear of getting in the way, of being any more of a hinderence or burden than necessary. It is probably overblown. But it makes me clumsy and accident prone. And it increases the time it takes me to get things done. I would be worrying more about that than about the project and what it needs.

So I was frantically trying to come up with a theme for Sunday Serenity that didn't involve taking pictures online research which is notorious for taking ten times longer than the time intend and I am out of time. What finally came to mind was: Writing.

Writing is after all one of the things I do to invoke serenity.

Writing about my dilemma is also helping me calm down instead of getting trapped in the infinite loop of thoughts that tend to escalate the anxiety.

Why is it that eighty percent of the time, I prefer the confines of this room where I am free to think and free to be myself and free to give all my attention to the project de jour but the second I realize that I really shouldn't leave barring an emergency, suddenly I find a dozen pressing needs to leave. I am hungry but the kitchen is on the other side of the living room. I suddenly have six important things I want to discuss with my husband. I need the bathroom which is on the other side of the laundry 'room'. Well at least that last is just a matter of listening close for the cycles of the machine and my MIL footsteps to catch the right moment....

And the same goes for ducking out the back door with a book and our cat Merlin. Which I am free to do as soon as I click Publish Post.

I'll take the camera too and try get a pic that relates to the theme of this post. It won't be the one I had in mind but flexibility is something I need to practice. And I bet flexibility is directly related to ability to achieve serenity.


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1. Jamie 2. Candy Minx

2 tell me a story:

Jamie 5/27/2007 11:44 PM  

I don't remember who said it to me as a kid, maybe it was dad. I have no idea. Anyway, they said "you have to be like elastic and learn to stretch", something like that. I'm glad that it wasn't anything serious with your camera, since you've enjoyed it and you haven't had it that long.

Candy Minx 5/28/2007 7:44 AM  

Oh life is mysterious and sometimes the universe wants to laugh at us no?

There is a aword in Sanskrit that my guru taught me a long time ago "lila" and lila is the universe or power playing a joke on us...humbling us or offereing a lesson or to laugh at our selves. Sometimes it doesn't feel too funny tho.

I like to think that a lila...is also a compliment it means the universe acknowledges our existence...that the universe is a prankster as well as a mother of nature...and having a prank or purposeless joke played on us is often something our friends do no? So that is why I tend to interpret the feeling of a cosmic joke as humbling...but also a compliment...

Here is wikipedia definition:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lila

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