My Heart is the Lake of Fire

My Heart is the Lake of Fire
by
Joy Renee

Sixteen days since you hung up on me

sixteen days of silence
of bewilderment
of heartache

sixteen days empty of you
of your attention
of your affection

sixteen days with no word of explanation
tho I flooded a torrent of words toward you.

What lesson are you trying to teach me?
How can I make it right if you won't tell me
how I made it wrong?

I can only guess.
I spent sixteen days and nights guessing
until I realized your intentions didn't matter

What matters is what  I am learning.
This is what you are teaching me:

that my words have no power
that my love is worth nothing
that our us is not worth fighting for
that there is no forgiveness
that hope is a joke

that commitment is just a word
without meaning
that vows have a fine print clause
(*optional if difficult)
that cruel is the new kind
that I'm a pathetic, worthless, unloveable
puddle of brine that isn't worth your attention

that Joy is an illusion
that my name is my shame
for I can't live it
that my heart is the lake of fire
that pain is the only reality

that life empty of you is
just
empty