Tuesday, February 03, 2015

Möbius Mopes

Möbius Strip for Crocheted Tote

I thought it was about time I presented a picture of the  crocheted Möbius strip that has been such a frequent topic of posts in the last two years.  Especially since it is going to be the main subject of this post.

All I can say is 'arrrrrrrgh'

The crocheted crafter's tote is moving like cold molasses.  Nearly three years in the making and now two years late as the intended 2012 Secret Santa gift for my sister-in-law this project has been a frustration from about four months in when it became obvious I was unlikely to finish in time.

There was no pattern because it was born in my head in the shimmering vision that remains the only consolation and hope and the second to top motive for keeping at it.  But the vision did not take account of realities like the limitations of time, materials and skill.  Not to mention physical: pain in tendons and tense muscles, and fatigue with the 12+ hour days, eye strain and sleep deprivation.

I guess I was still too much of a newbie at crochet to pull off something this ambitiously elaborate.  But it has been my education.  I joke that I have had the equivalent of half a dozen college level courses in the process.  The finished tote will serve as a sampler of my skill set.

  • I learned over a dozen new stitches and patterns including a couple I invented.  
  • I learned design in color, texture and shape.  
  • I learned design in engineering, materials, and structure. 
  • I learned to better estimate time and thread needs. 
  • I learned to control stitch gauge to maintain 4x4 inch squares with a variety of stitches/patterns 

The Möbius strip is a bear to work with.  It's starting chain was 8 ft in diameter so folded it is nearly 4 feet long and 11 inches wide.  It's intended to serves as the bottom, sides and shoulder strap for the tote.

Seen from the right front corner.


The front panel wraps around the front and both sides.  The Möbius forms the bottom and comes up the sides inside the side panels to form the back of the side pockets.  The other panel comes up the back and over the top and partway down the front.

The tote won't be as big as seen in the pic above as changes to the original plan became necessary.  It was intended to hold a standard size quilt as my sister-in-law is a quilter.  It will probably still hold a quilt WIP until the batting is added tho.

The struggle now is in identifying the precise 6-chain loops at each corner of the bottom that will be woven into the 6-chain loops on the two panels of blocks.  This involved finding the center of the bottom and top and counting the joining loops on the panels then out from the center of the bottom of the Möbius.  Then weaving a grey length of yarn across the width in the center and both ends.  Then adding the joining loops for the bottom sides across the width of the strip.  I've only got that done for one side.  I still need to repeat for the opposite side, counting out from the center, weaving the yarn, and adding the loops.

Weaving that yarn through the 2-chain mesh that forms the Möbius fabric is difficult.  My vision issues make it doubly so.  I wish there were another way to be sure the corner loops are directly across from each other.  As hard as that is I'm not sure that crocheting dark brown on dark brown across the fabric instead of on its edge doesn't top it for challenging.

Once those tasks are done I'm hoping the loop weaving task will go smooth.  Once those corners are identified and the bottom is joined to the appropriate edges of the panels it should just be a matter of weaving the loops up the four sides.

But that isn't the end of the challenges. There will be more rows of the joining/decorative loops to crochet and the wrapper for the Möbius twist at the top of the strap, and the buttons for the front. There's the hundreds of tails needing tucked and I still need to sew on the lengths of grossgrain ribbon to strengthen and reenforce the fabric.  Especially at the edges.  For when I tried improvising a joining with clips and twist ties I discovered that it was impossible to load the bag without someone holding it open.

For several days after that I felt as tho the entire project had become as complete a flop as the bag acted.  But I brainstormed some ideas for fixing the problem.  I won't know how well they will work until I'm able to implement them.  Which I can't do until the bottom edges are joined.

For months I've only been able to work on this project either by taking it over to the yarn shop to spread out on the big tables or working on the weekends when Mom is gone and I can move stuff off my craft table onto her side of the bed.  But this past weekend I managed to rearrange some things and preserve enough room on the craft table for working on it all week.  It should move along a bit faster now.

Here's hoping the mopes are bygones.

Read more...

Monday, February 02, 2015

It's Monday, What Are You Reading?

It's Monday! What Are You Reading?
Share what you (are, have been, are about to, hope to be) reading or reviewing this week. Sign Mr Linky at Book Journey and visit other Monday reading roundups.

The sections of this template:


  • Intro (here)
  • Musings
  • My Week (or two) in Review -- list of books begun or finished and links to recent reviews and bookish posts
  • Reading Now -- my current reading list broken up into categories
  • Upcoming -- scheduled reviews and blog tours and list of finished books awaiting reviews)
  • New Arrivals -- lists of recently acquired books: bought, borrowed, ARC [broken up into snail mail, email and Net Gallery]



Quote: Flannery O'Connor
Mystery and Manners:
Occasional Prose
Musings

It's been over eight months since my last IMWAYR?.  A couple of weeks after that our furbaby, Merlin died.  Which began the mood roller coaster I've been riding ever since.  My mood tanked hard when Merlin got sick but I thought I was making a comeback when another event sent me into a tailspin.  Then I lost my counselor.  Then I learned my new counselor was revisiting the bi-polar diagnosis after I thought that had been ruled out a year previously.

My mood had taken too many blows in too short a time and I couldn't seem to recover my equilibrium.  I lost my joy.  Pun totally intended.  I lost joy in reading, in writing, in fiber art, in blogging, in social media, in running, in friends, in family, in me.  I lost myself.  Again.

I think I'm pulling out of it.  I've been working hard at it.  My new counselor has me practicing mindfulness.  I'm returning to personal journaling.

I returned to daily blogging at the first of the year.  I joined One Word 365 an alternative to New Year's resolutions in which you choose a word to make the theme of your year and try to do something to incorporate it into every day.

I'm still having mood meltdowns at least once a week but I began to find enjoyment in favorite activities again mid January, including reading. I requested three NetGalley ARC last week.  The first in over a year.  I finished a book today.

So here's hoping this is the first of a string of regular IMWAYR?

To prep this post I completely revamped the IMWAYR? template I'd been using. I eliminated or consolidated sections and removed from all the lists any book I'd not opened in over 6 months.  I can put them back if/when I start reading them again.  Most I'll likely have to restart.

Then I added all the books begun since mid summer and made sure each list section had a book image to reflect one of its books.  I will occasionally change out those images.

Thomas Covenant Trilogies
Finished this week:
  • Lord Foul's Bane by Stephen R. Donaldson [Book 1 of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever] reread  -- OWN -- EBOOK
Started this week:

  • The Glittering World by Robert Levy -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]
  • Victorian Fairy Tales Edited by Michael Newton [short stories]   -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]
  • The Witch of Napoli by Michael Schmicker -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]

Advanced Bookmarks [neither begun or finished this past week]:
  • Complexity and the Arrow of Time by (multiple authors)  --ARC -- EBOOK
  • All Things Wise and Wonderful by James Herriot -- LOAN -- EBOOK
  • The Thunderbird Conspiracy by R. K. Price -- ARC -- EBOOK
  • A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson-- OWN -- TREE
  • A Course in Miracles [the text] -- OWN -- TREE
  • A Course in Miracles [the workbook] -- OWN -- TREE
  • Tao of Chaos: DNA & the I-Ching by Katya Walter --LIBRARY --EBOOK [Open Library]
  • Coming Out Asperger: Diagnosis, Disclosure, and Self-Confidence Edited by Dinah Murray -- LOAN -- EBOOK
  • Lord Foul's Bane by Stephen R. Donaldson [Book 1 of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever] reread  -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • Metamorphosis: Transforming Your Body, Mind & Life! by Charles Webb  -- OWN -- TREE [came with the nutrition program my sister and I bought]
  • Why Isn't My Brain Working? by Datis Kharrazian -- LOAN -- TREE [from the library of the nutritionist]

Recent Weeks in Review:

~Reviews:

  • [no recent reviews]

~Recent Bookish Posts:



~Finished reading recently:

  • Lord Foul's Bane by Stephen R. Donaldson [Book 1 of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever] reread  -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot -- LOAN -- EBOOK
  • All Things Bright and Beautiful by James Herriot -- LOAN -- EBOOK
  • Area 51: An Uncensored History of America's Top Secret Military Base1 by Annie Jacobsen -- LIBRARY -- AUDIO
  • From Where You Dream by Robert Olen -- LIBRARY -- TREE
  • The Nano Experiment by Richard Brawer -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • 420 Characters by Lou Beach  -- LIBRARY -- TREE
  • Rough Draft by Michael Robertson Jr. and Dan Dawkins -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • Autism Goes to School by Sharon A. Mitchell -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • Silver Lake by Peter Gadol -- OWN -- EBOOK

~Began reading recently:

  • All Things Wise and Wonderful by James Herriot  -- LOAN -- EBOOK
  • A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson-- OWN -- TREE
  • A Course in Miracles [the text] -- OWN -- TREE
  • A Course in Miracles [the workbook] -- OWN -- TREE
  • The Language of Food: A Linguist Reads the Menu by Dan Jurafsky -- LIBRARY -- TREE
  • The Tao of Chaos: DNA & the I-Ching by Katya Walter --LIBRARY --EBOOK [Open Library]
  • The Complete Stories by Flannery O'Connor [short stories]   -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • World Famous Cults and Fanatics by Colin Wilson   -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • Coming Out Asperger: Diagnosis, Disclosure, and Self-Confidence Edited by Dinah Murray -- LOAN -- EBOOK
  • Discovering Your Soul Signature by Panache Desai -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • Water: For Health, For Healing, For Life by F. Batmangheildj -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • Metamorphosis: Transforming Your Body, Mind & Life! by Charles Webb  -- OWN -- TREE [came with the nutrition program my sister and I bought]
  • Why Isn't My Brain Working? by Datis Kharrazian -- LOAN -- TREE [from the library of the nutritionist]
  • You Are a Writer So Start Acting Like One by Jeff Goins -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • If I Loved You, I Would Tell You This by Robin Black [short stories]  -- LOAN -- EBOOK
  • The Fierce and Unforgiving Muse by Gregory L. Norris [short stories]   -- OWN -- EBOOK
  • The Glittering World by Robert Levy -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]
  • Victorian Fairy Tales Edited by Michael Newton [short stories]   -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]
  • The Witch of Napoli by Michael Schmicker -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]
Reading Now (Some Intermittently):

__Non-Fiction:


    • Complexity and the Arrow of Time by (multiple authors)  --ARC -- EBOOK
    • Star Trek As Myth: Essays on Symbol and Archetype at the Final Frontier edited by Matthew Kapell -- OWN -- EBOOK
    • Discovering Your Soul Signature by Panache Desai -- OWN -- EBOOK
    • Water: For Health, For Healing, For Life by F. Batmangheildj -- OWN -- EBOOK
    • Metamorphosis: Transforming Your Body, Mind & Life! by Charles Webb  -- OWN -- TREE [came with the nutrition program my sister and I bought]
    • Why Isn't My Brain Working? by Datis Kharrazian -- LOAN -- TREE [from the library of the nutritionist]
    • The Language of Food: A Linguist Reads the Menu by Dan Jurafsky -- LIBRARY -- TREE
    • A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of a Course in Miracles by Marianne Williamson-- OWN -- TREE
    • A Course in Miracles [the text] -- OWN -- TREE
    • A Course in Miracles [the workbook] -- OWN -- TREE
    • World Famous Cults and Fanatics by Colin Wilso   -- OWN -- EBOOK
    • Tao of Chaos: DNA & the I-Ching by Katya Walter --LIBRARY --EBOOK [Open Library]

      ~ROW80 Writing Craft


      • No Plot, No Problem by Chris Baty -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • The Fiction Writer's Handbook by Shelly Lowenkopf  --ARC -- EBOOK ROW80 reading list
      • What to Do When There's Too Much to Do by Laura Stack -- OWN -- EBOOK (Part of my attempt to organize my life around my priorities. So part of my ROW80 reading list)
      • 13 Ways of Looking at the Novel by Jane Smiley -- LIBRARY -- TREE
      • You Are a Writer So Start Acting Like One by Jeff Goins -- OWN -- EBOOK

      __Fiction:
      • The Fierce and Unforgiving Muse by Gregory L. Norris [short stories]   -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • If I Loved You, I Would Tell You This by Robin Black [short stories]  -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • The Complete Stories by Flannery O'Connor [short stories] -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • The Glittering World by Robert Levy -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]
      • Victorian Fairy Tales Edited by Michael Newton  [short stories]  -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]
      • The Witch of Napoli by Michael Schmicker -- ARC [NetGalley Kindle]

       ~Blog Tour books still unfinished


      Upcoming:

      ___Blog Tours:


      ___Books I've Finished Awaiting Reviews (non blog tours):

      Whenever I'm not pinned to a date like with the blog tours I do very poorly at getting reviews written in a timely way after finishing books and the longer I wait the harder it gets.  This is an issue I'm working on and hope to get a system in place to smooth the track from beginning book to posting review.

      Series:

      Jan Karon's Mitford series. 
      The short lighthearted chapters of these books are almost like stand-alone short stories with beloved characters and make great bedtime reading for adults wanting pleasant dreams.  

      Read them aloud to my Mom  

      Feb 10 2014: We just finished the last one, In the Company of Others but have heard there is a new one and need to check on that.
      • At Home in Mitford 
      • A Light in the Window by Jan Karon  
      • These High, Green Hills by Jan Karon  .
      • Out to Caanan by Jan Karon 
      • A New Song by Jan Karon.  
      • A Common Life: The Wedding Story by Jan Karon
      • Shepherds Abiding by Jan Karon 
      • In This Mountain by Jan Karon
      • A Light From Heaven by Jan Karon  --   the final book in the Mitford series.
      • At Home in Holly Springs by Jan Karon  --  Father Tim series first of two.  Features Father Tim from the Mitford series having adventures beyond Mitford after his retirement from Episcopal priest duty. In this one he returns to the town he grew up in. 
      • In the Company of Others by Jan Karon  --  Father Tim series second of two.  In this one he and Cynthia have a several week vacation in Ireland from where his father and grandfather had immigrated
      Grace Chapel Inn series published by Guidepost which I'm now reading to Mom. New volumes will come in the mail monthly. We are loving it.  Maybe even more than the last half of the Mitford and Father Tim volumes.  Three sisters ages 50, 62 and 70 inherit jointly their family home after their father's death.  A Victorian in a very small town situated next door to the church their father pastored.  They decide to turn it into a Bed and Breakfast so they can afford to keep it and live in it.  We finished the tenth one the second week of January.
      • Back Home Again by Melody Carlson 
      • Going to the Chapel by by Rebecca Kelly
      • Recipes and Wooden Spoons
      • Hidden History
      • Winter Wonders
      • Portraits of the Past
      • All in the Timing
      • Promises to Keep
      • Slices of Life
      • Home for the Holidays
      Herriot's All Creatures: another series I'm reading to Mom.  We are reading these while we wait for the next Grace Chapel book to arrive in the mail.

      • All Creatures Great and Small by James Herriot -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • All Things Bright and Beautiful by James Herriot -- LOAN -- EBOOK

      Wicked Another series for which I'll probably do a single review. I think there is a 5th book out now so I may wait until I can get my hands on it.  These four were loaners from my niece.
      • Witch by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie -- LOAN -- TREE
      • Curse by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie -- LOAN -- TREE
      • Legacy by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie -- LOAN -- TREE
      • Spellbound by Nancy Holder and Debbie Viguie -- LOAN -- TREE

      Thomas Covenant Trilogies
      Thomas Covenant

      • Lord Foul's Bane by Stephen R. Donaldson [Book 1 of The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant the Unbeliever] reread  -- OWN -- EBOOK

      Fiction:
      • The Land of Decoration by Grace McClean -- ARC-- OWN -- TREE
      • The Monsters of Templeton by Lauren Groff  -- LIBRARY -- TREE
      • Losses by Robert Wexelblatt an -- ARC-- OWN -- EBOOK
      • After: The Shock by Scott Nicholson -- ARC-- OWN -- EBOOK  This is post apocalyptic horror with zombies.    I anticipated enjoying this even tho zombies are not my favorite horror theme because I really enjoyed his The Red Church and I did but probably not to the same degree.  And its continued.
      • Pie Town by Lynne Hinton -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • Good in Bed by Jennifer Wiener -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • Certain Girls by Jennifer Wiener (sequel to Good in Bed) -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • Joyland by Stephen King -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • Rose Fire by Mercedes Lackey -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • The Nano Experiment by Richard Brawer -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • 420 Characters by Lou Beach  -- LIBRARY -- TREE
      • Rough Draft by Michael Robertson Jr. and Dan Dawkins -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • Autism Goes to School by Sharon A. Mitchell -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • Silver Lake by Peter Gadol -- OWN -- EBOOK
      Non-Fiction:

      • Boys Will Be Joys by Dave Meurer -- OWN -- TREE
      • Write Good or Die! edited by Scott Nicholson  -- OWN -- EBOOK -- a collection of essays by inde authors -- ROW80 reading list 
      • Writing in General and the Short Story in Particular by Rust Hills onetime fiction editor at Esquire -- OWN -- TREE
      •  Imagine: How Creativity Works by Jonah Leher -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • The Power of Habit by Charles Duhi -- LOAN -- EBOOK
      • Get Your Loved One Sober by Robert Meyers  -- OWN -- EBOOK (Research for a fiction WIP)
      • The Road to Success in NaNoWriMo: Your Guide to a Month of High Speed Writing by Terri Main  -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • 50 ways to get Ideas for Blog Posts by Dylan Varian  -- OWN -- EBOOK
      • Area 51 by Annie Jacobsen -- LIBRARY -- AUDIO
      • From Where You Dream by Robert Olen -- LIBRARY -- TREE

      Memoir/Biography

      • Mama Makes Up Her Mind and Other Dangers of Southern Living by by Bailey White -- OWN -- TREE -- a memoir.  It's short little vignette chapters and easy to read font made it ideal for taking with me to doctor appointments.  Which is how I managed to finally finish it.
      • Never Give in to Fear by Marti MacGibbon   -- ARC-- OWN -- EBOOK This was a memoir of an addict's decent into the abyss and rise back out again and was quite engrossing.





      New Arrivals:

      __ARC

      ~snail mail



      ~email


      ~NetGalley

      • The Glittering World by Robert Levy
      • Victorian Fairy Tales Edited by Michael Newton
      • The Witch of Napoli by Michael Schmicker

      __Bought


      __Borrowed


      • The Tao of Chaos: DNA & the I-Ching by Katya Walter --LIBRARY --EBOOK [Open Library]
      • Why Isn't My Brain Working? by Datis Kharrazian -- LOAN -- TREE [from the library of the nutritionist]

      • Read more...

        Sunday, February 01, 2015

        Sunday Serenity

        Smile
        My sister knows me so well. :)

        Read more...

        Saturday, January 31, 2015

        Up Time -- ROW80 Check-In

        Screenshot of  My Entire Screen

        I have been working since Friday afternoon after Mom left to spend the weekend at my brother's at getting my computer ready for a restart and update.  No one would believe it without proof so I took a screenshot of the entire screen after arranging for as many as possible of the open aps, browser windows and tabs to be visible.  To top if off I show the Task Manager with the clock counting the hours since the last restart circled.

        They call it 'Up Time' and as of this afternoon it stood at 75 days 10 hours.

        This is what comes of using open windows and tabs as a to-do list.

        My sister has gone after Mom so my time to focus on this task is ending and it isn't much better than when I started.  Some things were closed.  Other things were opened.

        When I bring tabs or windows forward to close them I start working on the task they represent instead of bookmarking or noting the task in my actual task list.  I started reading ebooks.  I started watching videos opened via links in emails. I returned to research represented by Google search tabs and the tabs opened via its links. I lurked on social media.  I fiddled with Calibre ebook library metadata. And I started working on the Candy Kiss rewrite after allowing it to sit on the taskbar since early December without touching it!

        And of course, after getting the idea for the screenshot, I reopened things I'd already closed for the photo op.  And started using them again.

        This is seriously impacting (as in jarring crunch and derailing) all my goals.  ROW80 and health and business and crafts and relationships.....

        I was really hoping that this check-in was going to be about the update and restart past tense.  But instead I'll have to declare that it is my intent to have completed the update and restart before Wednesday's check-in.

        My Round 1 intentions: seek to regain my joy/Joy in writing and to prepare the soil for its blooming with these time investment goals:
        • Storydreaming 15min Daily (I never lost this one since instating it in my first round in 2012.  A ROW80 win!) 100%
        • Read/Study Craft 15min Daily 30% (reading blog posts on topic)
        • Move/Breathe/Meditate 15min Daily 10%
        • Personal Journaling 15min Daily 0%
        • Read Fiction 30min Daily 50%
        • Social network activities 30min Daily (writing Joystory posts doesn't count only social reaching out like reading/commenting on other blogs, guest posts and posting to fb, twitter, pinterest etc) 20% 
        Current Joy Meter: under 50%  That is up from a dip into the teens last weekend.  Mood has been volatile.

        Read more...

        Friday, January 30, 2015

        Friday Forays in Fiction: The Influence of Reading on Our Stories -- and a snippet

        Thomas Covenant Trilogies
        Several months ago I started reading Donaldson's Thomas Covenant series.  The first two trilogies are re-reads but I've not yet read the final quartet.  This rereading of the first six books had two purposes--to prepare to read the final four and to facilitate the rewrite of my story Blow Me a Candy Kiss, because I'd given one of my characters an obsession with it.

        The first time I read it was the year the first one came out, the year I married.  I introduce Ed to it and he became as enthralled if not more than I and over the next decade or so that story colored all of our communication.  We found shorthand ways of saying what we were trying to say via everything from themes to metaphors to scenes.

        Remember that Star Trek Next Generation episode where Captain Picard was kidnapped by an alien captain who isolated the two of them on a planet with a dangerous entity that would take cooperation to defeat and proceeded to use the situation as a way to teach Picard their very alien language?  That language was entirely based on knowledge of the stories of their culture.  Nearly the entire vocabulary consisted of phrases of this order: [Name of character] at [name of place].  Well that's how Ed and I once used the Thomas Covenant story.

        Since I discovered that the story problem in Candy Kiss was the damaged communication between husband and wife, Iris and Greg, and because some of the themes in the story, especially those represented by Greg, are the same as those in Thomas Covenant, I decided it fitting to incorporate it into my story.  It gives me a lever with which to move them out of the rut they had dug for themselves.

        I thought I'd share a snippet of the the current structural rewrite of the opening scene, incorporating advice from my beta reader and Hooked by Les Edgerton and showcase  how Donaldson's story is influencing my rewrite.

        If you would like to compare the original 1990 version of the opening and/or see how the story ends:  part 1; part 2; part 3; part 4; part 5;

        Blow Me a Candy Kiss [the beginning]
        by Joy Renee


        Turning the last page, Iris let the book fall closed on her lap where it settled the weight of despair on her thighs.  The lengthy expose of the foster care system by an investigative journalist had just quashed her latest (last?) hope of creating a family with Greg.

        An indignation propelled surge of words swell in her throat, threatening to flood out of her mouth in a helpless harangue. How can an agency created for the best interests of the child actively discourage their foster parents from getting attached to the kids or allowing the kids to get attached to them? 

        By policy no less! Love, they were told, was not their job.

        What?  Are they trying to create a generation of sociopaths?

        She desperately needs to talk to Greg about this and about where do they go from here--overseas adoption? open adoption? surrogacy? in vitro?  But the cost of any of them was prohibitive.

        Besides, the fact of their childlessness was a topic they had talked to death long ago and buried under a tombstone marked TABOO.  

        Yet it remains, a black hole to which all other subjects gravitate and  distort, leaving naught between us but the vacuum of my womb. She looked across the chasm separating them knowing Greg's face was hidden behind this weekend's fat novel.

        After a brief glimpse of him laid back in his recliner with his book propped on his chest, she quickly looks away for fear the welling tears blurring her vision for the last fifty pages would slide free just as he happened to glance over the top of his book while turning a page.

        Then he'd ask what was wrong or (guessing) not.  Which would feel worse?  Not something I want to find out.  

        Either way, it's better to save the tears and rants for when she's alone.  For above all she couldn't bear to see his silent agony whenever he saw the sadness or anger overwhelming her--that look of pain and defeat in his eyes as his shoulders slump, his hands hang empty and impotent at his side and his eyes find anywhere to gaze but at her.

        As she waited for her tears to dry and to be sure she had them well banked, she stared unblinking out the window beside her solitary seat in the loveseat-rocker--once one of their favorite weekend hangouts--watching the tops of the trees along the creek bordering their backyard converse with the sky.

        Even the trees can shoot the breeze with the sky, while Greg and I can barely discuss anything besides the weather, aches and pains, or what's for dinner anymore.

        Eying the whiplashed treetops again she noted that the predominant gusts seemed to be coming from the west.  She couldn't see the horizon in any direction so could not tell if there were clouds moving in on their summer-blue, heat-shimmered sky but the sensation of weight pressing down on the top of her head and pushing out from behind her eyes seemed more intense than what could be accounted for by the summer colds she and Greg were nursing on the only day of the week they both had off.

        Sunday's and summer-colds.  Two things we can still share. Iris crooked her mouth in a grimace of irony.  All is not lost yet. 

        "Hope it's not raining at the coast.  The girls were so excited about playing in the surf." 

        As was she!  They were supposed to be camping at the coast with their parents and sisters this weekend but when they'd woke up Friday morning feeling miserable the others had gone on without them to soak up surf and sun, leaving Greg and Iris at home to soak up tissues and time. 

        Greg did not respond as he'd started snorting and coughing just as she started speaking. Casting furtive glances toward him she sighed.  Not worth repeating.  What could he say anyway?

        Staring at the cover of his hardback copy of Donaldson's The Wounded Land which blocked her view of his face she fumbled for something she could say that would prompt him to close the book on his finger or let it lay open across his chest so she could see his face.  How is it possible to miss so intensely a face that's in the same room with you?

        What she really needed was to lay her head on his chest and listen to his heart beat as he talked about this story that had so enthralled him since his teens he'd reread the series from the beginning every time a new one was about to come out and from the beginning to the end of the second trilogy every two or three years since.  

        Sharing in his enthusiasm for The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant had been an integral part of their courtship in their late teens. Reading the first trilogy through together the year after her high school graduation, they'd carried on impassioned discussions about the relationship between Thomas' two worlds and between them and our world.

        They'd shared many such rousing discussions on numerous topics in the early years.  But not only had it been years since the last one, she couldn't remember when she last saw Greg roused about anything.  His reticence had gone beyond stoicism into implacable guardedness. 

        He’s Colossus of the Fall, she thought, flashing on that iconic image from Donaldson’s Land.  Nothing represented his stance toward his world better than that monumental clenched fist of rock raised against a vast sky on the edge of Landsdrop, a ward against enemies of the land.  

        Once this trait of Greg’s had given her comfort, a sense of protection against threat inside the circle of his ward. But of late she felt exiled from that circle.  When did I become an enemy to be guarded against? She wondered with a surge of adrenaline spiked surprise.

        As she watched him find the corner of the page with his right index finger, she smiled at the memory of Greg's reaction to his professor's response to his essay analyzing the metaphors in Donaldson's series carrying the themes of shame, grief, regret, guilt and redemption.  She'd said that, though she hadn't read any of the books, she could not imagine such serious themes being so trivialized by wrapping them in the frivolous fantasy venue.  He was over-the-top outraged.

        Read more...

        Thursday, January 29, 2015

        Fixed!

        No Longer a Wannabe Beanie

        Fixed the oops.

        For pics of the before see last Saturday and Sunday posts.

        It took me a week and dozens of hours of experimenting.  Putting stitches in and taking them out.  Test this stitch then that one, placing them here then there, trying this many gathers then that many.  Turned out to need every other column to be pushed to the inside which means the rim had been double the size it needed to be.

        I had to put in two rows of gathering slip stitches.  One around the bottom edge, pushing every other puff stitch inside and the other around the last blue row snugging each stitch to its neighbor.

        And it's tails are tucked.  It's ready to wear.  One of the dozen or so projects I began since January 3rd it is now the first one finished since January 3.


        Read more...

        Wednesday, January 28, 2015

        Not Even Crawling -- ROW 80 Check-In

        Eggs Catly.  No Yolk.


        I haven't checked in for over two weeks.  I've got little to show ROW80 wise for those two weeks.  Yesterday's post can explain some of it.  But the primary issue has been the high level of drama in my personal life.

        But on the other hand that drama might have been less intrusive if the issues I discussed yesterday had not become issues again.

        As I said yesterday, I have a choice to make...

        My Round 1 intentions: seek to regain my joy/Joy in writing and to prepare the soil for its blooming with these time investment goals:
        • Storydreaming 15min Daily (I never lost this one since instating it in my first round in 2012.  A ROW80 win!) 100%
        • Read/Study Craft 15min Daily 10% (reading blog posts on topic)
        • Move/Breathe/Meditate 15min Daily 10%
        • Personal Journaling 15min Daily 0%
        • Read Fiction 30min Daily 20%
        • Social network activities 30min Daily (writing Joystory posts doesn't count only social reaching out like reading/commenting on other blogs, guest posts and posting to fb, twitter, pinterest etc) 20% [posting to ROW80 fb and replying to comments there are among the activities I engaged in.]

        Read more...

        Tuesday, January 27, 2015

        The Sister Plan

        Meta Morpho Sis

        Tonight is our class with the nutritionist in Battleground.  My sister and I got a family member's discount when we signed up last summer.  It was still spendy.  My share is 50% of my disability check for fifteen months.   That means 9 or 10 more months of payments.

        It includes a lot of reading matter, supplements, consultations, lab tests and classes every other Tuesday and recommendations for more reading and film watching.

        The Metamorphosis book is included along with the binder of articles and charts.  The book at top, Why is My Brain Not Working? is a loaner to me from his library.


        You'd think I would have been treating the plan with more respect considering the cost but I've been a bit lax about it since mid November.

        I've not completely reverted to across the board unhealthy choices but the handful of poor choices I have made are having a huge impact.  I've not started gaining either ounces or inches but I've stopped loosing.  Except muscle mass.  And my mood has been volatile.  And I stopped reading the material and the other complementary reading and studying I had been doing before and after signing up.

        I think the two most impactful choices have been the return to drinking coffee daily after a year and a half with only rare treats and the neglect of exercise.  Those two choices contributed to an increase in insomnia again after nearly a year of only moderate issues with it.  Thus sleep deprivation accumulated and my mood and energy tanked and that fed the 'need' for more coffee and the aversion to exercise ...

        This all contributed to the difficulty concentrating, staying on task and comprehending and retaining information.  Hence the loss of enjoyment in reading and writing...

        So I'm back on the merry-go-round.

        I have a choice to make.

        Read more...

        Monday, January 26, 2015

        Joy's Reading

        One of the signs that things have gotten real bad mood wise is when I stop reading.  Tho I never stopped entirely this fall/winter it had slowed to a trickle and the ability to compose my thoughts about what I was reading dried up entirely.

        I find that depression is a bigger handicap than visual impairment for reading.

        But, as bad as it has been. things must be looking up as I've been reading more again recently. More often, more pages per day, more minutes at a stretch, more complex material.  And finding myself as I read with things to say about it.  So maybe its time to bring book reviews back into the mix.

        Last week I grabbed two 'read now' ARC off NetGalley and requested another and am contemplating requesting a fourth.  Seeing how I've not posted reviews for months and did not provide feedback on any in the last batch of NetGalley ARCs in late 2013 I'm not holding out much hope for any requests.  But my chance for future requests would go up if I read and review these two pronto:

        Victorian Fairy Tales
        Edited by Michael Newton
        Oxford University Press


        Pub Date   May 1 2015

        Description

        The Victorian fascination with fairyland is reflected in the literature of the period, which includes some of the most imaginative fairy tales ever written. They offer the shortest path to the age's dreams, desires, and wishes. Authors central to the nineteenth-century canon such as Thackeray, Oscar Wilde, Ford Madox Ford, and Rudyard Kipling wrote fairy tales, and authors primarily famous for their work in the genre include George MacDonald, Juliana Ewing, Mary De Morgan, and Andrew Lang. This anthology brings together fourteen of the best stories, by these and other outstanding practitioners, to show the vibrancy and variety of the form and its ability to reflect our deepest concerns.
        The stories in this selection range from pure whimsy and romance to witty satire and darker, uncanny mystery. Paradox proves central to a form offered equally to children and adults. Fairyland is a dynamic and beguiling place, one that permits the most striking explorations of gender, suffering, love, family, and the travails of identity. Michael Newton's introduction and notes explore the literary marketplace in which these tales appeared, as well as the role they played in contemporary debates on scepticism and belief. The book also includes a selection of original illustrations by some of the masters of the field such as Richard Doyle, Arthur Hughes, and Walter Crane.


        The Witch of Napoli
        Michael Schmicker
        AuthorBuzz
        Palladino Books

        Pub Date   Jan 15 2015
        Description

        Historical fiction with a paranormal twist, set in Italy and England in 1899.
        Italy 1899: Fiery-tempered, erotic medium Alessandra Poverelli levitates a table at a Spiritualist séance in Naples. A reporter photographs the miracle, and wealthy, skeptical, Jewish psychiatrist Camillo Lombardi arrives in Naples to investigate. When she materializes the ghost of his dead mother, he risks his reputation and fortune to finance a tour of the Continent, challenging the scientific and academic elite of Europe to test Alessandra’s mysterious powers. She will help him rewrite Science. His fee will help her escape her sadistic husband Pigotti and start a new life in Rome. Newspapers across Europe trumpet her Cinderella story and baffling successes, and the public demands to know – does the “Queen of Spirits” really have supernatural powers? Nigel Huxley is convinced she’s simply another vulgar, Italian trickster. The icy, aristocratic detective for England’s Society for the Investigation of Mediums launches a plot to trap and expose her. The Vatican is quietly digging up her childhood secrets, desperate to discredit her supernatural powers; her abusive husband Pigotti is coming to kill her; and the tarot cards predict catastrophe.

        Read more...

        Sunday, January 25, 2015

        Sunday Serenity

        Helper Elf or Gremlin?


        Bradley and I are both obsessed with this wannabe beanie.

        Am experimenting with stitches to gather the excess up that won't look ugly.

        The yarn I used for the brim does not do well with taking out and reworking so any fix must avoid that as I don't have enough of that yarn left for a redo.  It was left over from a shawl I made four years ago.

        Maybe I'll just designate it a cat toy.

        Read more...

        Saturday, January 24, 2015

        Crochet Oops!

        The Beanie I Wanted


        The 'Beanie' I Got
        Bradley approves.

        But he hasn't seen it on me yet.


        Read more...

        Friday, January 23, 2015

        Friday Forays in Fiction: Channeling the Women of Star Trek

        The Women of Star Trek

        I just watched the last episode of Voyager which concludes my marathon rewatching of every Star Trek episode of every series since early September.

        It started out as prep for NaNoWriMo because my coming of age YA novel character was a fanatical fan of all things Star Trek and the concept for the story was that whatever dilemma or crisis was thrown at this teen girl a solution or insight could be found in one or more of the Star Trek episodes or Movies.


        Since my character was a young girl she would be consciously or unconsciously finding role models among the Star Trek women so for the first time ever I consciously focused on the women characters throughout my marathon.

        Oddly enough I feel as though I've just been through my own coming of age story arc.  Or at least the first half or so of it since I don't yet feel I've reached a resolution.

        I'm astounded by how strongly I've been impacted by the experience.  I'm still processing it.  Much of it is not at a level where verbalization is possible but I began feeling a strong sense of a shift in my own psyche about half-way through November--right around my birthday--and I'm sure I'm never going to be the same.

        In my story synopsis on NaNo I said my character would be channeling the Star Trek women.  Now that has become my own aspiration.


        Cool fb page.

        Read more...

        Thursday, January 22, 2015

        Hooked on Beginings

        9 New Crochet Projects
        4 hats, 3 scarfs, 2 drawstring bags.  Just in the last week.  3 are not for me.

        There are more fiber art beginnings since January 3rd which was Mom's birthday and the end of the holiday and family gifting occasions strung between late August and early January.  I cut myself loose.  A reward for finishing 57 fiber art tasks since September 1.

        Besides these there were several experiments that didn't pan out, two smallish needlepoint projects and some crochet bookmarks.

        It's been fun but I need to settle down soon and put some focus back on finishing things.

        If I just finished all the bookmarks on the hook I could maintain last year's motto of finishing more things than I start through the month of January 2015.

        Bookmarks used to be a one-sitting project.  Once I could crochet over ten of them in a single day.  Now I have over a dozen on the hook.  Some of them for over two years.

        I think what happened is that as I began adding larger projects the bookmarks got classified as 'the portable projects' and don't get attention when I'm at home.  They end up languishing in pockets and purses from previous outings and not quick to lay hands on when leaving the house again so I grab a new ball of thread and start a new one for that next car ride or waiting room.

        Read more...

        Wednesday, January 21, 2015

        Fiber Art WIP



        This is the scope of the project I've set myself to catalog all my fiber art WIP, get photos of their current state and note relevant data--percent done, thread brand and color, pattern, hook size, what's left to do, what materials need buying before it can be finished etc...

        And to think I've started another half dozen since Sunday...

        And that's not all



        That's still not all...



        Nope.  Not even. 

        There's more in drawers and boxes of various sizes.

        Plus many of those bags and boxes in the shots have multiple projects in them.


        Read more...

        Tuesday, January 20, 2015

        Origins -- The Movie -- A Review

        Origins -- the Movie
        Our Roots. Our Planet. Our Future
        I just watched this as part of my personal campaign for taking back control of my health--both physical and mental.  In my case they were preaching to the converted as I've already been convinced by experience that food is medicine (or poison) for its nothing but chemical reactions. Whatever chemicals you put in the mix determine the wellness level of the organism.

        Tho they did not surprise me with their premise, I did learn much regarding the role our DNA plays in our ability to metabolize the chemicals we introduce to the intricate ecosystem that is our bodies. This gave me a possible explanation for the quirky way my system reacts to certain foods and medicines and leads me to wonder just how much of my mood disorder issues might be alleviated if not cured by change of diet.

         I also learned more ways I can regain power of dietary options.  And maybe most important of all I was given a boost of hope.

        Four years in the making, this documentary consults 24 experts in 19 countries in the fields of medicine, health, anthropology and ecology.  They explore the roots of our DNA and the ways in which it has not caught up with the modern world and thus is creating illness, infertility, and ecological and economic devastation.

        But it is not just a doomsday alarm.  Rather it is a clarion call for concerted action on the part of groups and individuals.  They emphasize the power of our dollars as votes for change.  The point us in the direction of specific actions we can take in our own lives, homes, and communities to regain control over our health, diet, and our immediate environment.

        For a short time they are providing a free viewing of this approximately hour and a half film.  Don't miss out.

        As an added bonus it is full of beautiful photography of breathtaking landscapes that exudes love and respect for our planet.



        Origins Movie Trailer

        Read more...

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