Monday, November 26, 2007

Monday Poetry Train #27



Flying From Grace

by Joy Renee

As flying buttresses skyward yearn,
So lovers for transcendence burn.
Yet many tend to fall for less,
Snared by a butter-colored tress
Wind-blown against the cyan sky.
They are in this like butterflies--
Those sky-flowers that flutter by
In search of earth-bound images
Of self, stem-tethered camouflages,
On which to alight to gain a respite
From all varieties of alien inspection--
Spurning all offers of reciprocal affection.

??????????

I kept this one back so long because I'm not satisfied it is finished. Although I like what is there well enough, I'm sure I meant there to be more to it. The point, the resolution or something has not been reached.

I wrote it over a decade ago and only have a copy because I liked it enough to 'waste' ink and paper to make a hard-copy for my portfolio even though it was unfinished. All the electronic and handwritten rough-drafts which might give me clues to what my intentions were at the time were lost with the rest of my manuscripts, journals and notes in our 2001 move.

As I read it now it strikes me there is something similar to a sonnet to it and I wonder if that was what I was attempting. That would fit with the time-frame as the early to mid nineties were when I was immersing myself in everything Shakespeare because of the character in my Fruit of the Spirit story world whose every utterance is a line from Shakespeare.

5 tell me a story:

Jamie 11/26/2007 12:30 PM  

Maybe it is finished, maybe it isn't. It keeps your readers guessing. It does sound like sonnet...

Jill 11/26/2007 1:02 PM  

Wind-blown against the cyan sky.
They are in this like butterflies--
Those sky-flowers that flutter by

I like this part...Like that freedom feling to this part!

Susan Helene Gottfried 11/26/2007 1:14 PM  

Yeah, I can see how you'd consider this unfinished. But... what to add... I have no idea!

Rhian 11/26/2007 4:05 PM  

i see what you mean, it feels like there's an untold piece lingering in the shadows.
A resolution or step beyond the spurning.

This is stunningly beautiful.
i can't tell you how thrilled i am to seeing some working poems this week. i think it'll give everyone the courage to go ahead and put pieces that are still being tinkered with out there.

Julia Phillips Smith 11/26/2007 9:22 PM  

Yes, Rhian - I agree with you! How courageous to post the process.

Joy Renee, I loved these lines the best:
'Those sky-flowers that flutter by
In search of earth-bound images
Of self, stem-tethered camouflages'

And for a tirade on Christian uber-paranoia, check out my review of 'The Golden Compass'...

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