Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Shocked, Stunned. Undone?

I am still reeling some fifteen hours after receiving news that ranks right up there with the major losses in my life: learning I was loosing my sight; learning I would not be able to return for my final year of college; learning that I was infertile; learning my manuscripts, research notes and personal library were unrecoverable along with all our other belongings after payments on our storage unit fell behind; learning I could no longer acquiesce to the belief system of my childhood and loosing the pure fellowship of that faith community; learning that the building that was once the Bible Chapel in which I went to Sunday School and later taught Sunday School and later yet was married in had been burnt to the ground as a training exercise for firemen; learning that the high-tech company my husband worked for was closing shop instead of going public just weeks after his stock options had vested; learning we were being evicted from the first nice house we ever lived in and then five months later from the motel room we'd exchanged it for onto the street.  And yes, this ranks right up there with learning that my Dad was loosing his battle with cancer--tho not with the actual moment of his loss.

What could be so dire?  Our public library system lost it's funding and will most likely be shutting its doors next month.

I had already been awake for 24 hours at the moment I learned this about two yesterday and I have yet to sleep.  I think I've been in a full-blown anxiety attack ever since.  I developed a migraine about six hour ago.  This has prevented me from writing the thoughtful explanatory piece I had planned.  But if I don't post something about this event, I'm afraid I will never post again.

Understand, it is not just that this story addict is loosing access to her regular fixes.  Everything I have planned for Joystory, Joyread and Joywrite is dependent on free access to good resources.  I have dozens of projects in various stages of unreadiness that cannot be completed without access to the resources.

How many times can the reincarnation of my hopes and dreams be kicked in the teeth before they stop rising from the ashes altogether?

0 tell me a story:

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