Monday, September 01, 2014

She's Back

Did you miss me much?
I'm ending (I hope) the long unintended hiatus that began June 6.

I don't know what it is going to look like this time.  I'm being encouraged by many--husband, counselor, sister, mother--to not reimpose the daily posts rule.  It's probably good advice but yet, I balk.

But the rule is what got me in this fix.  First the stress induced by the pressure and then the reluctance to post the current day's post before catching up the backlog of drafts.

Oh boy, is there a backlog.  As I continued to open drafts nearly every day, choose the topic and write off the cuff rambling rough drafts.  But I seldom got them ready to post.  Something was always missing--editing, links, images, fact checks...when I was called away or had to walk away because I was falling asleep over it.  And when something was all but ready to publish, I held off because of the lineup of unpublished drafts preceding it.

Playing a role in the inability to keep up with the posts was a mood riding a rocky road in a mountain range with high peaks and deep valleys and switchback curves.  Right around the one month anniversary of loosing Merlin to the Rainbow Bridge I was feeling pretty optimistic with how quick my bounce back had been but just days later I fell off the cliff again.  After it happened it happened for the third time nearly exactly 4 weeks apart with shorter, less intense dips two weeks between the severe dips, I picked up on a correlation with the Full Moon and the New Moon.

Add a thunderstorm building up over the weekend of the full moon in August that cut loose the day after and watch out.  In its wake I was antsy, agitated, and addled which contributed to the serious fall on Tuesday the 12th when I was on duty with my Mom while my sister was out of town.

A physical fall.  I got pictures and am planning to go ahead and finish prepping that post soon.  Watch for it.  It's title is Chin Grin.  That one and several other posts whose contents are both significant and time sensitive will be going up in the coming days.

Another factor limiting the time I had for prepping posts was the doubling and even tripling of my duty days and responsibilities.  My sister had a number of commitments from afternoon grocery shopping, and chiro, massage and doctor appointments preventing her from being at home for dinner prep to several multiple day out of town events one of them a second oral surgery.

My typical one or two duty days a week leapt to three or four and I think there was one that was most of a week as my sister-in-law was also going to be out of town the same weekend Carri was so she was unable to have Mom that weekend.

Another thing taking time away from posting and other favorite activities was this nutrition program my sister and I joined that involved a detox diet, lab tests, food diary, and reading and documentary assignments.  There is a post in the works from the beginning of that explaining it.

Along with posting many other of my favorite passtimes fell aside--fiction writing (except for the story dreaming), crochet and crafting, reading (briefly), watching Netflix and podcasts, the earlybird schedule.

Things I was doing: writing personal journal/memoir as therapy, writing poetry, the sorting and organizing of the stuff from my home still in boxes, inbox organizing, adding to my calibre ebook library and fiddling with the metadata, daydreaming, sleeping, playing word games and Bejewled Blitz on my Nexus, rearranging my 'office' again and again and...

Eventually I added reading back and have put away one or two books a week since mid June.

I also broke out my short story Blow Me a Candy Kiss several weeks ago and fiddled with it--minutia editing not structural rewriting which is still unfinished.

Even tho I was writing a significant amount I never got around to posting my intent to join Round 3 of ROW80.  Partly due to the backlog of missing posts but mostly because I had no heart for setting goals.

The continuous failure to meet my own expectations was playing a huge role in my mood's volatility.  I couldn't bare to look at the spreadsheet.  And not just because I'd messed it up by accidentally changing the date column into an endless repeat of one single month (which irked my perfectionism) but because the thing just blinked failure at me every time I looked at it.

Well I'm not getting off to a very auspicious start to this come back either seeing as how I started this post nearly twenty hours ago and it still hasn't gone up.

As I write this paragraph it is Tuesday late afternoon and I'm on duty and it's time to start dinner and for the first time in a long time I've been awake over 24 hours.  30.5 to be exact.

Which doen't augur well for there being a Tuesday post.  I have in mind a picture or two of my current workstation which I spent much of the weekend and Monday setting up.

0 tell me a story:

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