Sunday, May 06, 2012

Sunday Serenity #282




The mood of this music is a fair representation of my own mood today.  A bittersweet joy overlaying sadness. 

The joy is for the visit to spend time with my mom and sisters again.  The sadness is for the leaving home again so soon.

This mood has gripped me all week and my response to it has been to ignore it as much as possible and also to ignore the packing tasks as much as possible.  So now I'm going to be leaving in a bit over 24 hours and I haven't started packing my writing, reading, electronics and crochet that are going with.  I just last week got the last of the bags and boxes from the move and the last trip unpacked and everything stowed in approximate proximity to where they will live in this room.  And now I have to mess it all up again.

The packing itself is not the problem.  Its the selection.  The decision making efforts about what goes and what stays.  The priority setting and the letting go of what needs to stay.

I've already got my clothes and HABA (Health & Beauty Aids) packed at least.  I got that done Friday and was supposed to do the crafts yesterday and the reading/writing today and the electronics at the last minute.

Instead of laying down before dawn as I try to do this morning I stayed up thinking it would be better to skip sleep this morning rather than tonight and then arrive in Longview Monday night running on 30 to 40 hours without sleep.

But I'm not making good use of this time.  I'm frittering it away in busy work and compulsive checking of email and social networks and stats and fiddling with my ebook library and staring at the wall and gazing about the room at all of the shelves and drawers and bags and boxes containing items I may or may not be taking with me. And still strongly resisting beginning to pull them out of their places of repose and make piles on the floor, the mini-tramp, the desk and wherever else I can find space.

As it turns out though this is not a good time of the day for me to be moving about in this room or doing much else unless maybe it involves sitting with my back to the window and using its light to read or crochet.  Because this is the time of day that the sun is on this end of the house and the window is one big bright light that blinds me to the entire rest of the room and puts a glare on my screen.

And I've started yawning.

I've either got to go get coffee and then start dragging stuff out to the living room to sort and pack.

Or go to bed and start the project this evening.

With this post going up now I've got the choice since either way this evening is free of that task and thus available for the packing or an early bedtime.  Because IF I stay up now I should be in bed by midnight so I can get 10 to 12 hours of sleep before my sister gets here tomorrow noonish.

















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