Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Still Recouperating I Guess

Slept 12 hours on Tuesday and still can't stay awake. Can't keep eyes or mind focused. Feel like I've lost 50 IQ points. Don't know if I really need more sleep or if I'm just having trouble waking up again after sleeping so hard for so long. Or it is possible that with the sleeping and the dreaming, I am finaly starting to process the emotional elements of the family retreat--seeing my Dad & my Mom's twin sister slipping into what appears to be the late stages of terminal cancer; seeing the two couples reminisce & share congrats on the 50th anniversary of their double wedding August 7, 1955 while coming to terms with the probability thier won't be a 51st for either couple; seeing my neices and nephews all so grown up--no more babies, the youngest is eleven; having my fears of a fundamentalist grilling not pan out & trying to wrap my brain around some subtle evidence and some outright statements from father, brother & uncle that many of the beliefs, doctrines & expectations once held have been either set aside or morphed beyond recognition; seeing my 15yr old neice get a birthday present that meant the world to her--a pair of riding boots and a visit to the Crystal Peaks Youth Ranch to meet the horses recued from abuse and neglect; meeting those horses myself and having a 30 odd year fear of horses evaporate in minutes--a fear induced by having been bucked off a horse my first time on one at age 12. And so much more. Much of it not even processed to the point I can name it in a list like that.

So I guess maybe I need to be patient with myself a day or two or even three longer. Which means any blogging over the next few days will probably be more such personal ramblings. I haven't the wherwithal of mind to compose formal essays; am not in a mood to rant; am at least a week behind in the national and global news events and having a hard time caring--both of which would have shocked me just ten days ago.

1 tell me a story:

Jamie 8/03/2005 9:58 PM  

Hey Joy, it was great being at the family retreat this weekend with you. Watching you enjoy petting and getting loved on by a big horse. I hope that you will enjoy the photos, and the great memories that we shared as a family. I love you lots, Your sis, Jamie

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